Are You an Arrow?

I read an article yesterday where a politician said, "in this business you are either a target or an arrow". The comment really struck home. All my life I have been training myself to be an arrow. Arrows seek out the things they want, targets are content to be struck by whatever happens to fly by. Arrows take the shortest distance to the bullseye, targets can be moved around wherever you want them. An arrow has to be held back, because if you let it go, its gone in the blink of an eye. A target has to be propped up (usually by a bale of hay). Arrows have strong heads, targets have soft surfaces and thin skins.

Being an arrow it seems, is far better than being a target. As I said, my life has been a search for the "arrow in me".

The problem with being an arrow is that sometimes you unintentionally "shoot" someone you love. I did just that this week. Someday when my daughter reads these (I am trying to capture my thoughts, ideas and feelings for all the people I love, so that when I am gone there will be more of me to remember than just old photos) she will remember how sorry I am about what happened.

My oldest is going away to school in September. For the last three weeks, she has been "holed up" in her room, and hardly says a word to me. This is a HUGE change for us. Normally she bursts into my room, filled with enthusiasm, and tells me everything that went on (right or wrong) with her life that day. The past few weeks I have been lucky if she grunts an "I'm not hungry" at me.

I knew there was something wrong, and I was certain I did something that made her angry with me. When I asked her what was wrong, all i got was a "nothing dad everything is fine". The arrow in me refused to accept that. I knew I had done something, and I could not bear to have the kid who meant so much to me, stay angry with me. After all, in a few short weeks she will be gone for months. I had to get to the bottom of this and I had to do it fast. Since she was not talking to me, I texted her an "I don't know what I did, but we gotta put this behind us" message.

She came to my room with fire in her eyes. "I have been trying to tell you that its not you dad. I'm upset, I haven't gone anywhere, I'm upstairs watching TV." "All my friends are mad at me because I wont go out. I don't know why, blame the chemicals in my brain" "what am I supposed to do, come to your room and say hey dad, nothings changed, I didn't do shit today?". and she added "I don't need you to make me feel worse about it"

With tears in my eyes I told her "I'm sorry honey, you tried to tell me that and I just didn't listen. It will not happen again". I hugged her for the first time in weeks, and that was the end of it.

I get it. She is not really depressed. She is scared about the future (who wouldn't be). She will be living away from home for the first time, with a roommate she has never met. None of her close friends are going to the same school, so she will be all alone 5 states away. I guess I might be a little depressed if I were her.

Shame on me for not listening, shame on me for not being more understanding, but mostly shame on me for not trusting in my relationship with my daughter.

Rather than listen, and try to put myself in her shoes, the Arrow in me wanted to get to the heart of the problem.

To all you arrows out there, ease up on the bowstring when dealing with your loved ones. Sometimes its better to be a target.

At least that's how I feel today, of course like all my writings, this is just an opinion. Remember opinions are like diapers, they should be changed often, and for the exact same reason.