What about Bob?

In an earlier post I wrote about a guy named Bob. He was the guy that that kept asking me questions but didn't listen to the answers.

Good ol' Bob gave me something else to write about! Bob is to my blog what George W. Bush was to all the comedians, and endless source of great material!

Bob has regular doctors appointments in the same building where I go to dialysis three days a week. He and I are bound to run into each other (especially since he appears to be looking for me). Today (much to my chagrin) he found me.

Bob is one of those guys who thinks everyone likes him, but I'm guessing most people try to avoid him if they have talked to him before. He is one of those guys who will compliment what you say, then tell you why you are wrong. He will say something like "that's really interesting, but don't you think...)

One thing I learned from all my training was not to test people. There are lots of ways to test people, and most of them are BAD. One way to test people is to do what Bob did. He came in to the building, saw me waiting for my ride, and said "hey do you remember my name?" I did, and I lied! "Nope, sure don't" I replied with a smile. He shook his head and with a look of disgust he said "Bob" and wheeled away (he has a wheelchair too although he can walk). Relieved that I would not have to talk with him again, I thought "I can't wait til the next time he tests me so I can fail again!"

There are a couple of ways we test people in life. One way is the way Bob did. Why ask a person if they remembered your name? If they did not remember you, you feel bad and the other person is embarrassed. Why risk embarrassing someone you hardly know and making yourself feel bad in the process? Better to say "hi, I'm Bob, we talked last week". Whether the person remembered you or not, all is well. It is never good to put someone in a position to fail. Don't say "do you remember how to do this?" Try saying "you probably remember how to do this, but just in case..."
Always try to put people in a position to look good not bad. I take this idea to the extreme. Two weeks before my birthday I begin leaving reminders. "Only 14 more shopping days till the 30th". "Fathers day is just around the corner". A lot of people think they shouldn't have to remind you of important dates like birthdays and anniversary's, my philosophy is why give people the chance to forget. It embarrasses them and hurts my feelings

Another way of testing is to ask a person a question you already know the answer to, and think they might lie about. Why set a person up that way. Life is hard enough without tempting people to lie to you. Early on in my marriage, I worked some freakishly long hours. One time I was working into the wee hours and my wife called at 3:00 am. I did not want to interrupt my flow so I let it go to voicemail. Half an hour later I got home and my wife said "where were you so late"? When I told her the office, she narrowed her eyes at me and said "I called your office". I smiled and said "I know, at 3:09 am". Of course she was mad that I did not answer, but I was also mad she would try to catch me in a lie. A better way to do something like that is to say "I called your office because I was worried about you, where were you"? It is really not nice to put people in a position to lie to you. There are lots of examples I could give, but I'm sure you have either tested someone or had someone test you in this manner. Don't put people in a position to compromise their integrity. If my kids ever read this (and I hope they do, since this is really for them)they will remember that I never gave them the chance to lie to me. If Cassie's books had never been opened, I didn't ask "have you started your reading yet" I said "Cassie I noticed your books have not been opened, and I know you have reading to do". If Tori's report card said she was missing assignments, I didn't ask "have you turned in all your assignments"

Don't embarrass others or put them in a position to fail. Don't test others. The bible says "let he who is without sin cast the first stone". I say "let he who has never forgotten a name or important date, or told a white lie, give the first test"
Don't we get tested enough by life?