There's Something About Mary

No its not about the movie, unfortunately.

I am a dialysis patient, and because of that I get exposed to death more frequently than most people my age. Since I tend to be outgoing and in a positive frame of mind (most of the time), I know almost everyone in my unit by name, and I greet them each morning. Every few months someone I have known for a few years and have greeted three mornings per week, suddenly stops coming to dialysis.

I would love to tell you they just transferred to a different unit, or got a transplant. In a perfect world that would be the case. What really happens is they have passed away. It is a constant reminder to me that my grasp on life is more tenuous than most. Sometimes it inspires me to get the most out of the time I have here, other times it just scares the hell out of me.

Oddly enough the transformation takes place almost overnight. Mary is the latest potential casualty. She was not in the greatest of shape, but she walked in and out of dialysis under her own power and lived in her own place, taking care of herself. About two weeks ago she stopped coming to dialysis. When I asked about her I was told she was in the hospital. She had broken her leg. While she was in the hospital she developed serious bedsores, and now she resides in a rehab facility (nursing home) and is driven back and forth by ambulance. The transformation has been terrible to watch. She arrives at dialysis moaning in pain and doesn't stop for 4 hours. when they transfer her from the ambulance stretcher to the dialysis stretcher, she cries out in pain.

I have seen this process before, and my guess is Mary is going to be the next casualty. Just two weeks ago I gave her some home made meatballs, now she can't even get out of bed.

While I may be exposed to this more than the average person, all of us should realize that no one has a stranglehold on life. No one knows when their day will come, we just know that it will.

It reminds me to do two things:

1.) Never take my life for granted. Life is too short as it is, and we should all enjoy the time we have here. It is too short to hold grudges, and it is too short to be angry. Those things hurt you more than the person it is directed at.

2.) Make sure I tell the most important people in my life how much they mean to me.

I hope I am wrong about Mary. 9 years ago I was right where Mary is. Being transported by ambulance, in great pain, and not given much of a chance to survive. It wasn't my time (I know that because I am writing this now). Maybe it isn't yet hers. When my time does come I want to have no regrets, no grudges, no anger and no incomplete relationships.

Now please excuse me while I go call my Daughter who is away at college, and remind her how much I miss her.