The Worlds Dumbest Parents

The Worlds Dumbest Parents-that's my idea for a new reality TV show. It will show parents finding fault with their kids, criticizing them unnecessarily, putting them down for no good reason, and generally doing things to hurt their kids feelings. I bet it would be a smash hit! Reality TV has taken over the airwaves. Everywhere I look a new reality concept has popped up. It seemed to start with MTV's the Real World, and exploded when Survivor captured America's imagination. Now it seems every day brings some new concept to try to capture our imaginations.

I have somehow managed to avoid the reality TV fascination. I don't get any pleasure watching people expose all their problems to a national audience. I never could understand why people would embarrass themselves in front of the world (I get the money part, if I were guaranteed the million like Richard Hatch it would be worth the embarrassment). The ones that get their own shows or are guaranteed big bucks I get, but the ones who just do it for free baffle me.

My youngest daughter Cassie was watching a reality show called "The Worlds Strictest Parents". The premise of the show is that parents with uncontrollable teens send their problem children to super strict parents to see if their children can be "broken". It is a show that portrays a "Boot Camp" like atmosphere. The episode my kid was watching had a 15 year old girl who would come home falling down drunk, who would curse at her mom (dad was divorced and out of the picture), who smoked, and was an all around PITA (pain in the ass).

As I was making dinner, I was half/watching the program, and two things were going on in my mind. The first was how glad I was that neither of my girls has ever come home falling down drunk, has never had a drinking or drug problem (too my knowledge has never even tried marijuana or any other street drug), and although my oldest smoked a few cigarettes, she quit before it ever became a habit. The second was the amazing way the back-talking and disrespect resembled the way the kids talk to my wife and occasionally to me.

We have raised our kids in a "violence free" household. With the exception of one spanking each (consisting of one swat to rump for my youngest and one light slap to the face of my oldest) when they were very young and acting out in public, we have never raised a hand or a paddle or a "switch" to our kids. Perhaps the old adage "spare the rod and spoil the child" is true. With no fear of physical punishment, and very little fear of other kinds of punishment, my kids seemed to think it was okay to talk back to us.

A part of me wanted to say something to her like "see that kid, that's the way you sound when you talk to us that way". It would have been so easy to point out to her how her behavior was as atrocious as the kid on TV. I wanted to scream out "we should send you there for a little discipline".

I swallowed hard and said "boy am I glad you have never come home falling down drunk", and I followed it up with "and I'm sure glad you never took up smoking". I love my kids. There is nothing more important to me in the world, and because of that I have decided to do my utmost not to say things that will hurt them emotionally or to do things that will hurt them physically. The world has enough in store for them without my adding to the pain. I am their Dad, someone who is supposed to protect them and try to build their self esteem. I know what is in store for them as they get older. The world is full of people who are going to find fault with them. I want to add to that as little as possible. Sometimes it is hard not to say the things I want to say. Sometimes I fail and let my anger get the best of me, but not very often, and less and less all the time

Dale Carnegie says "any fool can criticize, and most fools do". There is an ancient Chinese proverb that says "don't complain about the snow on your neighbors porch when your own is unclean". John Wanamaker said " "I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.". Of course the Bible says it a hundred different ways, but none better than "let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". I want to be done "casting stones". I know firsthand how much they hurt. The last thing in the world I want is for the ones I love the most to wonder "why does he say things he knows will hurt me?"

Instead, I want my kids to remember me as the Dad that overlooked their faults and focused on their strengths. The Dad who always ignored the opportunity to find fault but never missed the chance to give to give praise. I have a long way to go and not much time to do it (how quickly the time flies seems to be a common theme of my writings, perhaps I am a bit obsessed with my own mortality)

From what I have seen in my EXTREMELY limited reality TV experience, criticism is the norm. My life experiences say the same thing. It will not be easy, but I will be the exception. I believe it is the right thing to do. At least in my opinion!