Your attitude IS your fault

I think we all were told at one point or another not to talk to strangers. An impossible standard since at one point or another everyone is a stranger to you.. Yesterday I had a long talk with a stranger.

I have one of those faces that says "come talk to me". I know that because it happens everywhere I go. I guess its because I am usually smiling and don't immediately look away when someone looks at me.

I would like to think people look at me because I am a great looking guy, but the truth is they probably look at me because i am in a wheelchair and my hands are severely contracted from arthritis.

Lately the topic of discussion goes like this: "do you mind if I ask you, what did this to you". I guess I do mind, nobody ever goes up to a an obese person and says "do you mind if I ask you, what did you eat to get this way", or says to a person with severe scarring "were in a fire or get burned by acid" (that is a line from The Princess Bride, if you haven't seen the movie rent it), but something about me says it's OK to ask intensely personal questions. To be honest, I don't like to talk about it. My father taught me not to relive painful experiences, and every time you talk about something unpleasant you are reliving it. But rather than be equally rude and saying "yeah I do mind" or "do you mind if I ask you why you are wearing that shirt with those pants, or "do you mind if I ask you when you last brushed your teeth" (you can tell I have at least thought about saying those things). I usually give them a short answer and try to escape the conversation politely.

Yesterday the stranger approached me with the usual question. I tried the "short answer escape politely" thing, but this guy would have none of that. He actually followed me into the pharmacy I tried to escape to, and asked me all kinds of questions about how I stayed so positive in spite of my handicaps.

I tried to explain that everyone in life has handicaps and that mine were just more obvious. Lots of people are handicapped by a lack of confidence or a lack of belief in themselves. Some are handicapped by an inability to deal with people, or by a bad attitude or by a hundred other things that hold people back. His response was predictable . He said "sometimes it isn't your fault though right?" "take me for instance" (really it wasn't your fault? How shocking! Great to meet the ONE exception whose attitude is not THEIR fault) "I was abused as a child", "then because I am black I have this slave mentality" blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda (I still miss Seinfeld) all these BS excuses why it should be a OK for him to not have a positive attitude.

As I prayed for my pick up to be on time (it was late of course), I told him he needed to change his behavior. He said "don't you mean my attitude". Nope your behavior. Here's my Carnegie training coming at ya! People spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on an analysts couch trying to figure out why they are "screwed up" and who or what to blame for it. "Your attitude and your actions", Dale says "go hand in hand" trying to change your attitude is hard. Changing your actions is easy. If you act a certain way, your attitude follows it (like the cops on an LA freeway).

Lacking in confidence? Do things that require courage. Can't handle pressure? Put yourself in pressure positions (safe but pressured). Feeling down or blue? Go do something you like or go to a comedy club. You can't feel depressed while you are laughing your butt off. The point is your problems don't go away by talking about them (in most cases it makes them worse no matter how "cathartic" it is). Your problems only go away when you take some action to get rid of them.

After half an hour my ride arrived and as I charged toward the door in my Jazzy Wheelchair (nope no product placement, I do not get paid for the plug), the guy said "I get it thanks...I need to change my attitude".

"You got it" I said, thinking "that guy did not understand a thing I said!"

Most of our problems can be solved if we are willing to work on them, of course that's just my opinion