Zen and the Art of Salmon Fishing

Years ago, I was introduced to Salmon fishing by a guy named Fred Herb. For some reason, we drifted apart. No arguments, no problems, just responsibilities. Fred owned his own company making custom furniture, and I was busy trying to build our business in MI, and we just never seemed to connect.

Fred was an outdoors man. Nothing made him happier than being around nature. Fishing for Salmon was one of his specialties, and boy was he good at it. He had all the right lures (black and gold lightning lures were a favorite of his), knew all the right places, what the best time and temperatures were, etc. We usually limited out, but when we caught our limit, or if the Salmon were not hitting, he would switch tactics and go after Lakers (Lake trout, not basketball players).

One day sticks out in my memory. We got in to Onekema on Lake Michigan, the night before we planned to go out. There was a pretty strong storm that night, but by the time we were ready to go out, the storm was over. The aftermath of the storm was not. I had never seen waves that big on a lake before. A forty foot boat was trying to leave the cove where it was docked and where we launched my little 20 foot fishing boat.. The waves were so big they were crashing over the deck of the cabin cruiser threatening to swamp it. Since we had a small enough boat to "ride the waves", we decided to give it a go. We headed straight into the waves, and other than some minor seasickness we had no problem getting out.

We set the first downrigger, and before we could set the second we had a fish on. The whole morning was like that, we kept getting two fish on at the same time. While that sounds fun, with huge waves and no one to drive the boat, we got more than a little wet when the boat took a wave from the side. We caught our limit in less than 3 hours (big King Salmon too, not a fish less than 9 pounds), and it was non stop fun. We could not wait for the next day. The next day Lake Michigan was like glass. I never saw Lake Michigan flat before. You could have water skied on it. Miles out and the lake was still calmer than I had ever seen. We did not catch a single fish. The fish finder said they were down there, we just could not get them to bite.

When you are a Dale Carnegie Instructor, you always look for analogies, and this is my only fishing analogy. Life can be a lot like that fishing trip. When you take your problems head on (like we took the waves) they are not so hard to handle. It is only when you try to "side step" them or get distracted by other issues that they tend to swamp you and threaten to capsize you. Secondly, when life is throwing a lot of waves at you, it's usually throwing a lot of fish your way as well. The challenge is to catch the fish without getting swamped by the waves, and boy does it make life exciting. And finally when all is calm and there are no waves to keep you on your toes, life can be boring as hell.

We need waves in our lives. I saw a poster once that said "life is a daring adventure or it is nothing". I'm not sure I agree. I would change it to "life is a daring adventure or it is boring". Don't be afraid of the waves, take them head on. Don't try to side step them, they only get bigger, and for heaven's sake look at all the fish getting thrown your way!

As usual just my opinion, and Fred Herb would agree.

Your attitude IS your fault

I think we all were told at one point or another not to talk to strangers. An impossible standard since at one point or another everyone is a stranger to you.. Yesterday I had a long talk with a stranger.

I have one of those faces that says "come talk to me". I know that because it happens everywhere I go. I guess its because I am usually smiling and don't immediately look away when someone looks at me.

I would like to think people look at me because I am a great looking guy, but the truth is they probably look at me because i am in a wheelchair and my hands are severely contracted from arthritis.

Lately the topic of discussion goes like this: "do you mind if I ask you, what did this to you". I guess I do mind, nobody ever goes up to a an obese person and says "do you mind if I ask you, what did you eat to get this way", or says to a person with severe scarring "were in a fire or get burned by acid" (that is a line from The Princess Bride, if you haven't seen the movie rent it), but something about me says it's OK to ask intensely personal questions. To be honest, I don't like to talk about it. My father taught me not to relive painful experiences, and every time you talk about something unpleasant you are reliving it. But rather than be equally rude and saying "yeah I do mind" or "do you mind if I ask you why you are wearing that shirt with those pants, or "do you mind if I ask you when you last brushed your teeth" (you can tell I have at least thought about saying those things). I usually give them a short answer and try to escape the conversation politely.

Yesterday the stranger approached me with the usual question. I tried the "short answer escape politely" thing, but this guy would have none of that. He actually followed me into the pharmacy I tried to escape to, and asked me all kinds of questions about how I stayed so positive in spite of my handicaps.

I tried to explain that everyone in life has handicaps and that mine were just more obvious. Lots of people are handicapped by a lack of confidence or a lack of belief in themselves. Some are handicapped by an inability to deal with people, or by a bad attitude or by a hundred other things that hold people back. His response was predictable . He said "sometimes it isn't your fault though right?" "take me for instance" (really it wasn't your fault? How shocking! Great to meet the ONE exception whose attitude is not THEIR fault) "I was abused as a child", "then because I am black I have this slave mentality" blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda (I still miss Seinfeld) all these BS excuses why it should be a OK for him to not have a positive attitude.

As I prayed for my pick up to be on time (it was late of course), I told him he needed to change his behavior. He said "don't you mean my attitude". Nope your behavior. Here's my Carnegie training coming at ya! People spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on an analysts couch trying to figure out why they are "screwed up" and who or what to blame for it. "Your attitude and your actions", Dale says "go hand in hand" trying to change your attitude is hard. Changing your actions is easy. If you act a certain way, your attitude follows it (like the cops on an LA freeway).

Lacking in confidence? Do things that require courage. Can't handle pressure? Put yourself in pressure positions (safe but pressured). Feeling down or blue? Go do something you like or go to a comedy club. You can't feel depressed while you are laughing your butt off. The point is your problems don't go away by talking about them (in most cases it makes them worse no matter how "cathartic" it is). Your problems only go away when you take some action to get rid of them.

After half an hour my ride arrived and as I charged toward the door in my Jazzy Wheelchair (nope no product placement, I do not get paid for the plug), the guy said "I get it thanks...I need to change my attitude".

"You got it" I said, thinking "that guy did not understand a thing I said!"

Most of our problems can be solved if we are willing to work on them, of course that's just my opinion