You are as tired as you think you are

I had a great conversation with my driver Shawn this morning. These drivers have a tough job. They get up at 4:00 am and sometimes work until 6:30pm (kind of a long shift) and although their jobs are not physically strenuous, they require rapt attention. Dealing with customers can also be mentally challenging. Of course they are underpaid. Add it all up and it makes for an exhausting day...if you allow it to be.

Earlier in my career, my wife and I both worked long hours (this was BK). We were up by 5:30, she didn't get home until after 7:00pm and me by after 11:00pm 4 days a week. When Friday rolled around, all we wanted to do was watch TV and fall asleep early for a change. We were absolutely exhausted...we thought.

We were planning an exotic vacation (remember this was BK) and decided we wanted to learn to SCUBA dive. Rec Dive had classes, but the only night we could be sure both of us could make was Friday night from 7-10pm. The first Friday night we got home from work expecting to be dragging. Surprisingly we were not. Filled with anticipation and enthusiasm for this new experience, we were like a couple of 10 year olds who didn't want to get out of the pool...no matter how blue our lips turned.

For 6 weeks we attended class, both in the classroom and the pool, and for 6 weeks we not only went to class we went out after class with some of the other students. Exhaustion....never.

Oddly enough once the classes were over, we went back to the old routine. Friday night TV fall asleep early, man were we exhausted...or were we?

We discovered that exhaustion has more to do with what you need to do than what you have already done! If you have things to do, places to go, people to meet, you have as much energy as you need! That does not mean the body can not become physically "whooped", but in today's power window, electric garage door, remote control TV, electric food processor, society, we really don't expend much physical energy. When people talk about mental exhaustion, it's just that, mental! That means you can also become mentally un-exhausted.

After that experience I realized that when I was "exhausted" it was a choice, not a condition. I am not talking about being sleep deprived, the body does need sleep. Without the right amount a person can wear themselves out. Most of us "exhausted" people though get enough sleep. If you don't, a 20 minute nap does wonders (no more no less).

You are only as tired as you choose to be! While I am at it, you are only as happy, sad, confident, fearful, stressed, calm, angry, loving, (insert your situation here) as you choose to be!

I choose to be a morning person (and an afternoon, evening late-night person). I choose to be filled with enthusiasm. I choose to be in a great mood (most of the time), and when I'm in a bad mood, that's my choice as well.

Choose to be all the positive things, forget about about the impact on those around you, you will feel 1,000 % better

By the way, if you haven't figured out what BK is, it stands for Before Kids, the wonderful time in your life where money is more available, you have extra time on your hands, far less aggravation and stress, and a lot less exhaustion!

Its all about perspective

Repeat after me "its great to be alive" "today is going to be fantastic, I know that because I woke up" (the day I don't wake up will really suck!)

I read an article about a comet striking Jupiter. The comet was thought to be the size of the Earth...yep that's right, the size of the Earth! The comet did not hit Jupiter two million years ago, or two thousand years, or two hundred years or even two years ago. Lots of times astronomers will tell you the supernova they witnessed actually happened two thousand years ago and it took that long for the light to reach us. This event happened Friday!

Most people when they hear Jupiter think "so what, Jupiter is a long way away". When you consider the size of the universe, a comet hitting Jupiter is like 747 hitting the house 2 lots down. Even worse, depending on the comets origin, had the trajectory been a single degree different, it would have struck the Earth. The comet was traveling 37 miles per second. At that rate it could finish the Indy 500 in less than 14 seconds. It could go around the Earth in 11 minutes. It could travel the distance from the Moon to the Earth in less than 2 hours. We know comets have struck the Earth many times in the past. In fact, if not for a big strike, we might be dodging T-Rex and Velociraptors. We know it will happen again, the only question is when, and how big.

What struck me about this was not the proximity or the size of the strike, but the fact that no one saw it coming. It was not like the movie Armageddon, where the scientists spotted it weeks before the actual strike. No one saw it until AFTER it hit the planet! It was not spotted by the Hubble space telescope, or by the scientists at JPL or NASA, it was spotted by a 44-year-old amateur astronomer Anthony Wesley, who works as a computer programmer and lives in the town of Murrumbatema just outside of Canberra in the Australian Capital Territory (ACT).

If "the big one" hits the Earth, we will probably have just enough time to bend over and kiss our butts goodbye (and that's only if you are on the opposite side of where the comet strikes)

"So why the astronomy lesson Mark?" This blog is really more about perspective than what's in the sky around us. In my life the things that seem to set me off are the little things, like when the kids leave the TV and the lights on in the family room when they go to bed. Or when the kids leave the empty cans and dirty dishes in the family room, or when they do both.

I have my share of problems in life (sometimes I think I got more than my share). If I choose to focus on my problems I could make myself feel pretty miserable. My kids have their share of bad habits and irritating behaviors, if I focus on them, I can make their lives miserable. My wife is perfect so I have no complaints (she may be reading these, i don't know, but better safe than to get hit in the head with a shovel).

The truth is we all have things in our lives that can drive us crazy, if we let it. Most of us have far more to be grateful for than to complain about. You woke up today, that's a great start. One of the books by Dale Carnegie is a book called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". If you haven't read it, get a copy. If you have read it, read it again. One of my favorite quotes is "most people are about as happy as they decide to be.". It is all about perspective. From one point of view we have problems, from another point of view we have opportunities, how you choose to look at it makes a huge difference.

I'm not going to ignore the problems I have. I'm going to work every day to solve them. I'm not going to ignore my kids bad habits, I'm going to work every day to change them. I'm just going to do it with a smile on my face and love in my heart, because there is so much more for me to be grateful about. And at least my wife is perfect (I try to say that a few times a day).

Our problems in life are mostly the small ones, and the big problems, the Earth killing, mind numbing, drive you crazy, put you in the hospital, make you beg for death, comet type problems, are no different than the comet that struck Jupiter. You never see them coming, and when you do its too late!

As usual, just my opinion, and one that is shared by most of the happy people you meet!

Your attitude IS your fault

I think we all were told at one point or another not to talk to strangers. An impossible standard since at one point or another everyone is a stranger to you.. Yesterday I had a long talk with a stranger.

I have one of those faces that says "come talk to me". I know that because it happens everywhere I go. I guess its because I am usually smiling and don't immediately look away when someone looks at me.

I would like to think people look at me because I am a great looking guy, but the truth is they probably look at me because i am in a wheelchair and my hands are severely contracted from arthritis.

Lately the topic of discussion goes like this: "do you mind if I ask you, what did this to you". I guess I do mind, nobody ever goes up to a an obese person and says "do you mind if I ask you, what did you eat to get this way", or says to a person with severe scarring "were in a fire or get burned by acid" (that is a line from The Princess Bride, if you haven't seen the movie rent it), but something about me says it's OK to ask intensely personal questions. To be honest, I don't like to talk about it. My father taught me not to relive painful experiences, and every time you talk about something unpleasant you are reliving it. But rather than be equally rude and saying "yeah I do mind" or "do you mind if I ask you why you are wearing that shirt with those pants, or "do you mind if I ask you when you last brushed your teeth" (you can tell I have at least thought about saying those things). I usually give them a short answer and try to escape the conversation politely.

Yesterday the stranger approached me with the usual question. I tried the "short answer escape politely" thing, but this guy would have none of that. He actually followed me into the pharmacy I tried to escape to, and asked me all kinds of questions about how I stayed so positive in spite of my handicaps.

I tried to explain that everyone in life has handicaps and that mine were just more obvious. Lots of people are handicapped by a lack of confidence or a lack of belief in themselves. Some are handicapped by an inability to deal with people, or by a bad attitude or by a hundred other things that hold people back. His response was predictable . He said "sometimes it isn't your fault though right?" "take me for instance" (really it wasn't your fault? How shocking! Great to meet the ONE exception whose attitude is not THEIR fault) "I was abused as a child", "then because I am black I have this slave mentality" blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda (I still miss Seinfeld) all these BS excuses why it should be a OK for him to not have a positive attitude.

As I prayed for my pick up to be on time (it was late of course), I told him he needed to change his behavior. He said "don't you mean my attitude". Nope your behavior. Here's my Carnegie training coming at ya! People spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on an analysts couch trying to figure out why they are "screwed up" and who or what to blame for it. "Your attitude and your actions", Dale says "go hand in hand" trying to change your attitude is hard. Changing your actions is easy. If you act a certain way, your attitude follows it (like the cops on an LA freeway).

Lacking in confidence? Do things that require courage. Can't handle pressure? Put yourself in pressure positions (safe but pressured). Feeling down or blue? Go do something you like or go to a comedy club. You can't feel depressed while you are laughing your butt off. The point is your problems don't go away by talking about them (in most cases it makes them worse no matter how "cathartic" it is). Your problems only go away when you take some action to get rid of them.

After half an hour my ride arrived and as I charged toward the door in my Jazzy Wheelchair (nope no product placement, I do not get paid for the plug), the guy said "I get it thanks...I need to change my attitude".

"You got it" I said, thinking "that guy did not understand a thing I said!"

Most of our problems can be solved if we are willing to work on them, of course that's just my opinion