One man's opinion

Haiti and other stuff

2010-01-26T17:53:00.003-05:00

Its been a while since my last blog. It's not for lack of subject matter. Like everyone I have periods where my motivation is not so high. I wont use the term depressed because I hate the term. Nowadays if you are "depressed" they have a pill for it. It is a shame we have sunk to a society who believes there are pills for anything. We all go through times where we are less happy or less motivated or less confident. When I was growing up, people didn't go to therapists or take pills, they learned to work through "stuff". "Work shit out" as the linebacker in the movie "the Replacements" said.

So for the last month or so, I have been trying to "work shit out". No answers yet, but I am sure I will get to them. My biggest problem is that lately I don't feel needed. When I was the primary earner, I provided all the money in my household, which made me feel needed. My job also was basically to help people ... again, it made me feel needed. When my kids were younger they needed me to help them with lots of things. Now that they are 20 and 16, they don't really need me.

For the first time in a long time, I feel more like a burden than an asset. But I will get through this, I just need to "work shit out".

On to Haiti. What a terrible, tragic, horrible event. Our government responded the way they always do. America to the rescue!. What I prayed for (in addition to all the Haitians that were impacted by this tragic event) was for a President to have the guts to say something like this:

Our hearts go out to all those effected by this tragic event. The American people, as usual, are responding with gifts of money as well as giving their time and energy in the form of doctors, nurses, and other professionals who have gone to Haiti to help them recover from this catastrophe.

Unfortunately, as a country, we no longer have the resources to give the millions of dollars in aid we have given in the past. Congress was recently forced to raise the debt ceiling to 13 TRILLION dollars ( a figure so large no one can comprehend it). We have an unemployment rate that is over 10%. We recently had to bail out some of our largest banks as well as two of our "big three" automakers. Our social security system will be unable to continue past 2020 unless we fix it. We are involved in 2 "big wars" as well as sending many of our military personnel to other battles around the globe. We still have a problem of illegal immigration to work out, and of course the "war on terror". For these reasons (and many others) we can not, as a country, afford to give you millions of dollars in aid.

We know that by not giving you aid we will subject ourselves to world wide criticism. After all, we are the "richest" country in world. Unfortunately we also have the wolds largest debt, and until we tackle that problem, our resources must be used to fix our roads, bridges, healthcare system, unemployment, immigration, homeland security, etc. Besides, its not like right now we get worldwide praise for all the good we do. Around the world we face criticism, terrorism, and outright hatred. Tacking on a few more criticisms will not be overwhelming.

When the big earthquake hits California (or any other state on the fault lines in America) we promise not to look to other countries for help. We will do as we have always done and"Work shit out" all by ourselves.

Again, our thoughts, prayers and hopes go out to you in this time of trouble, we just don't have the money to give.

I doubt we will see President Obama make such a speech. Too bad. It would guarantee his re-election. Sooner or later a President will make such as speech...he will have to. It will happen when they can no longer sell Debt. When our treasury bills go to junk bond status, they will have no choice.

I know my view will not be popular with some people, but this is America...and I am entitled to my opinion!

I Almost Hope the Mayans are Right

2009-12-19T16:19:00.006-05:00

Everyone knows the Mayan Calendar ends in 2012. With the looming failures of so many Government Programs 2012 might be the right time to "Cash Out"

Today I passed along an email about the failures of the Government run programs, so I decided to do a little research.

Medicare/Medicaid: The Trustees report that Medicare’s Hospital Insurance (HI) Trust Fund will become insolvent earlier in 2019 than reported last year. HI expenditure growth is estimated to average 7.4 percent each year over the next 10 years, a higher rate than either Gross Domestic Product (GDP) or Consumer Price Index (CPI) growth. This year the HI Trust Fund will spend more than its income, and from 2009 through 2017, about $342 billion will need to be transferred from the Federal treasury to cover beneficiaries’ hospital insurance costs.Looks like we will be facing another big Tax hike to cover that shortfall. For the full article go to http://www.hhs.gov/news/press/2008pres/03/20080325a.html

I couldn't find many references about the solvency of Medicaid (partly because Medicaid is funded 50/50 by the states and the fed). Since I live in Michigan which has a huge budget deficit, I am betting Medicaid is completely insolvent here.

Social Security: Under the long-range intermediate assumptions, annual cost will begin to exceed tax income in 2016 for the combined OASDI Trust Funds. The combined funds are then projected to become exhausted and thus unable to pay scheduled benefits in full on a timely basis in 2037. The separate DI Trust Fund, however, is projected to become exhausted in 2020. This statement was taken from THE 2009 ANNUAL REPORT OF THE BOARD OF
TRUSTEES OF THE FEDERAL OLD-AGE AND SURVIVORS INSURANCE AND FEDERAL DISABILITY INSURANCE TRUST FUNDS, a copy of which can be downloaded here: http://www.socialsecurity.gov/OACT/TR/2009/tr09.pdf Looks like we will be facing another big Tax hike to cover that shortfall.

The U.S. Postal Service: The Government Accountability Office is expected to add it to its list of "high risk" government operations. The GAO publishes a biennial list of high risk agencies, which they define as having "significant management challenges." It put out a list in January but is apparently updating it with the addition of the USPS in an effort to spur Congress to do something substantial to help keep it solvent. The GAO currently has a list of 30 high risk federal programs, policies and operations it says are "vulnerable to waste, fraud, abuse and mismanagement or in need of sweeping transformation.". USPS has been suffering financially for a while now, losing $2.8 billion in 2008 thanks to competition from FedEx and UPS and the fact that fewer people are sending mail. Anyone besides me wondering what the other 29 are? For the full article go to http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/blogs/beltway-confidential/Post-Office-to-get-hit-with-high-risk-rating-as-business-keeps-falling-51872987.html Another big Tax hike to keep the mail coming?

Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac: Both are bankrupt. The U.S. taxpayer now stands behind about $5 trillion of GSE debt. This step was taken because a default by either of the two firms, which have been battered by the downturn in housing and credit markets, could have caused severe disruptions in global financial markets, made home mortgages more difficult and expensive to obtain, and had negative repercussions throughout the economy. In other words the taxpayers are on the hook for deadbeat mortgage payers "to save the economy" The complete report is available here: http://fpc.state.gov/documents/organization/110097.pdf Another big Tax hike to pay off the Trillion (if only 20% of the loans are bad) for Fannie Freddie

The Public Education System: While run mostly by local governments it would be hard to call the educational results of the K-12 system even average (more like below average). Going beyond the educational results to the Financial results and it would have to be called a disaster. Of course I live in the Detroit area of Michigan, where the DPS had such poor financial controls that a 500 Million dollar bond issue "disappeared". The decision (to have the state take over the finances of the Detroit public schools)follows months of controversy over the district's finances, with administrators going from declaring a fund surplus to saying the school system faces a $408 million deficit, forcing the board to approve hundreds of layoffs and other cuts. Vendors also came forward to say they weren't being paid, and the district had to rely on the state to advance funds so the school system could meet its payroll. For the full story : http://www.districtadministration.com/newssummary.aspx?news=yes&postid=51483 Another big Tax hike to keep the schools open?

Cash for Clunkers: I thought this was a great idea before I realized 30 employees were being hired by the new agency that NHTSA has created, the Office of the Car Allowance Rebate System. Another 200 “contractors” will also be hired to whom most of the work will be farmed out. Anyone want to guess what happens to the 30 people and the new agency once the clunker forms have been processed. The Government almost never eliminates agencies. You mean to tell me with all the bureaucrats in Washington, they couldn't find enough time to oversee some contractors processing a bunch of rebate forms?

God help us if we let the Government take over the entire Health Care System. Who could possibly predict the tax hike to do that?

As I said in the beginning, with all the tax hikes coming down the pike, 2012 might be be just the right time for our world to end!

Of course that's just my opinion

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

2009-11-29T14:15:00.006-05:00

Michaele and Tareq Salahi crashed the Obama's first state dinner. Unless you have been living under a rock you must have heard about the DC couple who talked their way into the state dinner.

While the lack of security is somewhat of a concern to me, the bigger concern for me has to be that Obama obviously did not know who was coming to his own dinner! There are photos of them talking talking to the President and first lady and the vice president, as well as pictures of them walking through the receiving line.

Granted there were a lot of people at the affair, but we had a lot of people at my wedding, and if I did not recognize someone I asked my wife who it was. Wouldn't you think he would know (and recognize) everyone who was invited...after all, didn't he make up the guest list (or at the very least approve it)?

My veterinarian sees a lot of dogs and cats, yet he knows all the dogs and owners by sight. he cheats of course. He has a picture of every dog and the file contains both the dogs name and the owners. In the morning he looks at all the files so he can be ready to greet each client. When he walks through the door he greets the dog and us by name. It is a sign of respect. The message is he cares about who we are. With all the resources at his command, Obama did not "study" the guest list? I know he is a busy man, but doesn't it make a better impression on the visiting dignitaries if you actually know who they are? Worse yet, what message does it send to the world? Obviously the terrorists are thrilled with this info. If a couple can so easily infiltrate the white house, they must be licking their chops.

The Secret Service says the Pres was in no danger because all the guests passed through the magnetometer. Isn't the comment a bit specious (not to mention self serving). This was a dinner wasn't it? What were they eating with, foam rubber utensils? I am certain there were some steak knives lying around. An amateur could kill a man with a fork if he was motivated enough. I'm guessing there were plenty of bottles lying around. I remember how jagged the glass shards of a broken bottle are. The SS is downplaying the danger they subjected the President too.

The rest of the world just sees this as another example of our lack of attention to detail. That can't be good for our worldwide rep.

With all the challenges we face now, a couple of party crashers seems like a dumb thing to focus on, but its more than just the ease with which they crashed an important event. It reminds us of how sloppy we've become. Sloppy is not what we want the world to think about America

Shame on Michaele and Tareq Salahi. They put their greed and their desire for publicity and a reality TV show ahead of their responsibility for their country. Rather than put them on a reality show, we should put them on the first plane to Iraq or Afghanistan. Let them spend some time fighting for the country they so callously embarrassed.

In my opinion, the producers of the "real housewives" should not consider her for the show. If they do use them, advertisers and viewers should change the channel. With every problem we have right now, we did not need another one! No network should pay them for their story or photos...isn't that profiting from a crime (trespassing)?

Terrorists getting a Fair Trial?

2009-11-20T16:58:00.002-05:00

I am not convinced the terrorists are going to get a "Fair Trial" When the Attorney General says in advance "I guarantee they will be found guilty", it begs the question: How fair can a trial be if the outcome is already guaranteed? But that's not the problem I have with giving them a civilian federal court trial.

My problem is that terrorists should not be given the same rights as American Citizens. Since they are not Americans, and since their goal is to destroy the American way of life, why should we afford them rights that they are not entitled to? Certainly they gave no thought to the rights of the thousands they killed in cold blood. These were not military combatants, they were everyday people

We all know that the Death Penalty is not really a death penalty in civilian court. In a military court if the terrorists are found guilty there is no appeal. They are basically taken from the court to the firing squad. In a civilian court if they are found guilty there will be appeal after appeal after appeal until 30 years later they are either executed or have their sentence commuted. In the meantime we are going to house them, feed them, let them watch TV, give them books and music and access to things they would never get in their home country.

I can hear the conversations in Afghanistan now. "Khalid, I have a great way to recruit new bombers" "How would do it Abu Khabab?" "We explain to them what will happen if they are lucky enough to be captured". "They will be given a trial where there is a chance they will be found not guilty." "In the meantime they will have a shelter with heat and air conditioning, a real toilet, running water, electricity whenever you need it, three meals a day with all the clean, pure water you can drink, and even juice or soda, cable television, the right to practice their religion, access to a library, and if they can't read these American Pigs will actually teach them how!" "They will have a lifestyle they could never dream of in Nawab City". "Brilliant Abu, don't forget they will not have to work, they get free medical and dental care, an exercise facility, A laundry, access to a shower with soap and shampoo, on a daily basis, and they may spit on, and throw feces and urine on the guards and call them American Dogs, without the fear of being beaten" "Khalid, when they hear the consequences are a better lifestyle than they ever dreamed for at least 30 years before they ever face the death penalty, we will have volunteers banging on our doors to help us kill the American Infidels."

OK maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but don't the consequences here seem trivial compared to what they have to deal with at home? On the other hand military prisons require hard labor, have far fewer amenities and the death penalty is swift.

Do we really want to give Terrorists a greater incentive to come to our Country and Blow Stuff Up?

The Civilian Criminal trial is a huge mistake...of course this is only my opinion. Do you share it?

The 16 Billion Dollar Question!

2009-11-02T13:05:00.006-05:00

First I must apologize. My family has requested I stop putting personal stuff on the web. My explanation that it would never get lost and that after I am gone they can each have a copy without going to Kinko's was not acceptable. Because of that my blogs will be fewer and less personal. (perhaps that is for the best anyway. there are enough subjects I feel strongly enough about to keep me occupied!

So what exactly is the $16 Billion Question? Lets start with the number of zero's in 16 Billion. There are a few people in the world who do not have to look that up. Sadly I am not one of them. That knowledge belongs to the Gates, Buffets, DeVoss's, Davidsons, and Waltons of America. I will not apologize to the billionaires I left out because, lets face it, they are not likely to read this!

For the rest of us (including our Senators and Congressmen which I will make clearer in a few paragraphs), a billion dollars is a one followed by nine zeros (eleven if you count the pennies, but if you have a billion dollars you probably round off to the nearest dollar, or the nearest 100,000 lets face it), or more precisely 1,000,000,000.00. so $16 billion is $16,000,000,000.00

An article by Justin Fox in last weeks Time Magazine made me furious. The Obama Administration was answering the charges about whether or not the stimulus package was working. Their defense was that 30,000 jobs were directly or indirectly produced by "the first $16 billion" (God help us if there is a second $16 billion, bear with me and you will understand). House Minority Leader John Boehner said that such exulting was "beyond the pale" since "3 million private-sector jobs have been lost since it became law". Even he did not get the $16 billion question!

Since I am neither a billionaire or a math whiz I had to resort to a calculator to find the amount we spent per job created. Since my calculator can not handle numbers in the billions (without using scientific notation), I had to drop a few zeros. Take four zeros off of 16 billion and you get 1,600,000 (written out 1600000 0000 cancel the four zeros on 33,000 and you get 3.3). So divide 1.6 Million by 3.3 (luckily that number does make sense to me) and you get 484,848.

Pulling it all together $16 Billion divided by 30,000 jobs created means each job cost the American Taxpayer (that is us folks) Almost HALF a MILLION DOLLARS per job! ( I know I rounded up but if you made $484,848.48 you would tell everyone you made half a million) Feel free to check my math. I had to do it 3X because I could not believe the numbers myself. I assumed that I missed a zero somewhere and it actually only cost $48,884.00 per job created. NOPE!

Those better be some great F in jobs that were created! I am betting the jobs were most likely in the $48,000.00 a year range. Give my friend Doug Savage ( Bearing Service Inc) a fraction of that money and he would create meaningful jobs. Give Lee Iacocca a fraction of that money and we could buy Chrysler back from the French-and rebuild it to an American Icon! Give John Rakolta (Walbridge Aldinger) a fraction of that money and watch how many good paying construction jobs are created. The list of course is endless but the point is made. The private sector creates good jobs for far less money

So we finally get to the $16 Billion Question (I actually have a lot more than one question, but let's start with this one!)

Where did the Half a Million Dollars Go?

I am not an economist, but wouldn't it have been smarter to find 30,000 unemployed people and give each of them a $150,000.00 to spend? I know the answer our politicians are going to give us is a lot of the 16 Billion went to the stimulus checks they sent out, but again, if it cost us Almost HALF a MILLION DOLLARS per job was that such a smart idea?

My guess is a considerable amount of the "stimulus money" went to stimulate the friends and relatives of the Congress and Senate. I know that sounds cynical, but I am from the Detroit area where hiring idiot relatives (without even a high school diploma) and paying them outrageous sums of money to do do Jack-you- know-what (or to not even show up) was taken to an art form by our previous Mayor the Dishonorable Kwame Kilpatrick.

Lets face it, he must have learned that from his mom Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (D-MI) Congresswoman representing Michigan's 13th District and his dad Bernard Kilpatrick . For more info on the dirty dealings of the Kilpatrick Family check out the blog of Skeptical Brotha, but do it when you have time (their criminal misconduct can fill a book just on the surface). http://skepticalbrotha.wordpress.com/category/carolyn-cheeks-kilpatrick/ I am guessing she and a lot of other Senators and Congress persons benefited directly or indirectly from the "stimulus money".

Unfortunately the $16 Billion Question will never be answered, but that does not mean we shouldn't ask them! I am forwarding this page to my elected officials. Whether you choose to do so is, of course, entirely up to you. I am also sending a copy of this to everyone in my address book and asking them to do the same. This is not a Republican or Democratic problem, This is an American Problem! Remember the comment about the "first $16 Billion" implying a "second $16 Billion" can not be far off. We can not let this go on. Our fore fathers started a revolution over much smaller numbers (even adjusted for inflation) than these.

My feelings are a wholesale replacement of all our elected officials is needed. The approval ratings of congress as a whole is less than 20% yet incumbents keep getting elected. The feeling seems to be "Government Sucks but our guy really looks out for us". NO NO NO. They all are guilty of looking after themselves. Tell me another profession where you can put in as little as 6 years and walk away with a pension equaling 100% of your salary, for life! Plus the best medical benefits in the country with zero copay, zero deductible and no premiums for life as well. You can't because there are none! Realize folks, they voted this benefit package for themselves. We did not get to vote on whether this was fair. If a publicly traded company offered their employees such a deal, there would be a shareholder revolt and every executive of the company would be fired for voting for such a ridiculous compensation package. why should we tolerate this from our elected officials.

There will be more on this subject I assure you but for now I will finish with this. If you agree with all or part of this, send a copy (or just the stuff you agree with) to your elected officials. I am including a link where you can find out how to contact them. Encourage as many of your friends to do the same thing. We need a government who looks after us for a change. One which severely limits the lobbying of special interest groups. One which quickly deals with the problems our country is facing. One which allows us, their employers, to decide on their compensation and benefits, or perhaps limits itself to the average of all the salary and benefits packages in the country. The "Compensation Czar" was good enough for the companies who took a tax payer bailout, why should the tax supported government officials be treated better?

As usual just my opinions. I hope you share them, and will share them with as many people as possible.

Elected officials contact information can be found at: http://conservativeusa.org/mega-cong.htm
and you don't have to be a conservative to use the info on their site!

The Native American Tear Commercial

2009-10-16T12:09:00.002-04:00

Years ago there was an anti littering commercial where a car throws a bag of garbage out of the car window at the foot of a Native American. He looks at the camera as a single tear rolls down his cheek. The Movie Kingpin recreated the commercial with Randy Quaid as the Native American.

I had my own "Native American Tear" moment on the way home from dialysis. There are 2 GM plants and a supplier building between my house and the dialysis facility. All three of the buildings are HUGE. If you have never seen an automotive assembly plant it is hard to understand how massive they are. They occupy acres of land and are surrounded by huge parking lots to accommodate the 3-5 thousand workers cars. When the plants are running these parking lots are jammed with cars and there is the perceptible hum of activity, like a beehive when you get close. The amount of activity with people coming and going (especially during shift change when as many as 6-10 thousand workers are either coming or going) is awe inspiring. Chevy used to run commercials calling Chevy "the Heartbeat of America". When you see a plant in action, you can tell it is literally the heartbeat of this country

Automotive manufacturing created the middle class in America. Union wages and good high paying manufacturing jobs, both salaried and hourly, were a HUGE part of the development of our country as a world power. Were it not for the "Arsenal of Democracy", converted automotive factories cranking out tanks and planes at a pace Germany could not hope to match, WWII most like goes to the Nazi's. 6.6 million jobs (down from 13 million YIKES) in America are directly auto related. The auto companies purchase aluminum, copper, iron, lead, plastics, rubber, textiles, vinyl, steel, computer chips, and a lot of things you never think of like post it's, software, pens, envelopes, paper clips, staplers, television, radio, and print ad's. Every car also needs insurance, car care products, service and repair, this list could go on for pages. Auto sales account for 20 percent of U.S. retail sales and generate tax revenues of more than $10 billion.
Those 6.6 million U.S. workers represent a total greater than the populations of 38 states according to a new University of Michigan study. Overall, the number of jobs associated with total automotive industry activity (direct, indirect and induced) represent 5 percent of the private-sector jobs in the United States, accounting for $243 billion in employee compensation (5.6 percent of compensation in the U.S. economy).

The plants I passed are idle. The parking lots are overgrown with weeds. It looks like a "Wild West Ghost Town". I think I even saw some Tumbleweeds and sagebrush. As I thought about the impact of these shuttered plants, the single tear almost rolled down cheek. Then I got angry. I understand the "free trade" issue, but I am far more interested in "fair trade". We allow access to our markets to countries who through a multitude of rules and reg's prevent our access. As a result, we have been exporting our jobs to countries around the world. We can not continue to allow this to happen.

What really got me mad was the recent purchase of GM and Chrysler by our government. They should not be buying them, they should be protecting them. The jobs they create are too important to the country to allow them to be outsourced. I'm not talking about creating impenetrable walls around the industry, but how about some incentives to help them out?

The recent "Cash for Clunkers" is a great example, but as I said in an earlier blog, why give the incentive to foreign autos? There are a host of things our government could do to encourage people to buy American. How about making interest on American auto loans tax deductible, or eliminating the sales tax on American autos. Do what other countries do, make it smarter to buy American than Foreign. The resulting job creations will far outweigh the loss in tax revenue. Every out of work American not only does not pay income tax, they draw money from the system. Some small changes would make a huge difference

I wish I had a picture to post. I'm sure it would bring a tear to your eyes as well. Michael Moore did a film about the economic impact on Flint when the auto companies pulled out. The problem with the movie was he got the wrong villain! It was not GM, it was the government with all its free trade rhetoric. Although I am a Reagan fan, he got that part wrong. We don't need free trade, we need fair trade. If you are not willing to do that, then you need incentives to encourage people to buy American. This is true of all American products from cars to computers, from fruits and veggies to software and soda pop. We have all the reason we need to buy American, but people make decisions with their wallets. 2 products of equal or near equal quality one American one Mexican, we are going to buy the best value (usually the cheapest). Lets give Americans an even better reason to buy American.

As I understand the role of our Government, it is primarily to protect us from all enemies foreign and domestic. While it is difficult to justify labeling other countries enemies, some are certainly enemies of our economies. How about a little protection?

Just my opinion

I don't want to talk about it

2009-10-13T16:44:00.003-04:00

I haven't blogged in a couple weeks. It isn't for lack of material or time. I have had a number of things I wanted to blog about. The reason I haven't is I know there are members of my family that would not want me to put certain things on the web, so some of my best ideas have gone into my private diary.

Lately things have been kinda tense around my house. It is just my wife, my youngest daughter, and me, now that my oldest is away at college. I expected things would be a little easier, but I expected wrong. It seems my youngest has "picked up the slack" when it comes to creating tension.

I tried to find out what is going on, but her response was "I don't want to talk about it Dad". Thinking my wife knew what was going on I asked her. Her answer was "I don't want to talk about it.

I called my oldest who is away at school with some great news (I got her a software program she has been asking for). When i talked to her, she seemed a little down, so I asked her what was wrong. Her answer...(do I have to say it) "I don't want to talk about it Dad"

I don't understand it. It is not just me. My kids "don't want to talk about it" with my wife either. I hope this is just a phase that's going on in my family. To me, the way to resolve problems is to talk about it. But what can you do if no one else wants to talk? I have honestly begun talking to myself (sad isn't it?) I guess in a way that is what this blog is, me talking to myself and trying to capture my thoughts ideas and feelings before I leave this world behind.

But really....I don't get it, and the problem is no one can (or will) explain it to me. When I try to gently prod them, they clam up and repeat (in ever increasing volume) "I don't want to talk about it"

Oh well, all I can do is keep trying and hope someday they trust me enough to open up. Until then I will just keep talking to myself...and to you.

I keep reminding myself that anything worthwhile takes time and persistence. I have the persistence...do I have the time?

Lets be Frank, no really, lets all be like Frank!

2009-09-25T12:21:00.003-04:00

For those of you who aren't lucky enough to get to listen to or read Frank Beckmann, I am publishing his editorial from today's Detroit News, word for word (I hope that is legal). It captures my fears about our how our Government (not just the Obama administration) is changing (and not for the better) beautifully. Anything in red does not belong to Frank, it is my "commentary".

Expanded powers seem to ignore constitutional limits

Americans have been promised that they will, at some point, be repaid for the loans our government gave to the banking and auto industries. If only the same assurances had been made about restoring our Constitution.

Our founding document seems to be ignored during the expansion of federal authority and programs that are not enumerated among the 18 powers granted to Congress under Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution.

Former President George W. Bush (to quote the movie Scarface "I never like him, I never trusted him) pushed us further along this slippery path with his No Child Left Behind law that inserted the federal government into the operation of local schools, an individual state responsibility.

And Bush began the Troubled Asset Relief Program bailout for Wall Street, claiming U.S. investment banks were too big to fail as a reason for tapping American tax dollars.(too big to fail "clearly not)

Nowhere does the Constitution authorize federal government actions based on that premise.

The Constitution arguably has been ignored in a succession of Obama administration decisions as well, which is not surprising given the president's stated belief that the document is a "charter of negative liberties." (Is that our Constitution he is talking about? The document that people have fought and died for, the document that allowed a country to land a man on the moon and launch the Hubble telescope, the document that inspired Patrick Henry to utter "give me liberty or give me death", the document that guarantees us freedoms never seen before or since, that document is a "charter of negative liberties"??? That statement is bordering on treason.)

That's what our founders intended in the document's creation, freeing citizens to seek their own happiness by putting checks on what the government can do.

Instead, the White House has fired Rick Wagoner as CEO of General Motors; discarded bankruptcy and state franchise laws in the reorganization of GM and Chrysler, along with their dealer closings; appointed more than three dozen czars to oversee everything from cars to California water to domestic violence, without any clear oversight; sought to regulate the pay of private business executives; set new rules that will determine what cars American automakers will build and sell; and wants a new health care system that would require individual participation under threat of fines.

In addition, the Washington Post recently reported that almost all new mortgages are being processed through the federal government, and the U.S. House passed a bill that would allow the government to take over the entire student loan portfolio. This last move threatens to politicize how citizens get loan capital and reduces the freedom of individuals to find terms most favorable to them.

Supporters of expanding government powers try to justify their policies by citing Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution, which states in part that Congress shall provide for "the general welfare" of the United States.(if we are not careful we will all wind up on welfare)

Thomas Jefferson wrote about just such a threat in 1791 when he said, "They are not to do anything they please to provide for the general welfare," according to documents housed at the University of Virginia.

To focus on "general welfare" without considering the rest of the constitution, explained Jefferson, "would reduce the whole instrument to a single phrase, that of instituting a Congress with power to do whatever would be for the good of the United States; and, as they would be the sole judges of the good or evil, it would be also a power to do whatever evil they please ... Certainly no such universal power was meant to be given them." (smart guy that Thomas Jefferson)

Our constitution was uniquely designed for the ages, as a document which would give every American generation a uniform basis for governance.

If the basis for our country is allowed to be discarded by any residing party in power, then they've become no better than the tyrannical rulers from whom our founders meant to distance themselves more than 230 years ago.

Frank Beckmann is host of "The Frank Beckmann Show" on WJR (760 AM) from 9 a.m. to noon Monday-Friday. His column appears on Friday. E-mail comments to letters@detnews.com.(smart guy that Frank Beckmann) .

I will not try to say it any better. I will add that when we start relying on the Government to insure our children get a proper education (no child left behind), to insure that failing businesses do not go under, to insure that everyone has health insurance whether they want it or not, to regulate what companies can pay their top officers, to determine what cars we have access to, and the biggest boondoggle of them all, to tax our carbon usage, it is no longer a slippery slope!

If we saw such behavior in Russia, we would cry out"they are back to their old Communist ways"! When we see such actions in France we declare them as being the reason for their faltering economy. We abhor such behavior from the Chinese. The only difference I see between Us and Them is that we have the freedom to speak out against such obvious stripping of our constitutional rights. Can the losing of that freedom be far behind? We are already nibbling at the edges of censorship by declaring any opposition to President Obama as being Racist.

How far does the government have to go before we say "enough is enough"? In my opinion we have already gone too far!

A Tale of Two Moores

2009-09-23T21:56:00.007-04:00

I just finished watching Michael Moore's Larry King interview. Wow, what a hypocrite! as usual Larry tossed him some softballs and fawned over him like he was the next Francis Ford Coppola

One of his first movies was Roger and Me. In that movie he lambasted General Motors for closing plants, now he blasts them for taking corporate welfare. Imagine how much quicker they would have gone bankrupt had they not made some hard choices (in hindsight the choices were not nearly hard enough).

Once again he bashed the rich (odd since he qualifies as being rich). He made a point that after you make a hundred thousand dollars you no longer pay the 7 percent social security tax. No one said he couldn't pay that extra tax himself if he wanted too. Plus, he clearly doesn't understand the social security system is an insurance policy. we pay our premiums while we work and get the money back when we retire. And while the "rich" max out the tax on their earnings, they also get a much smaller social security check as a percentage of what they paid in, than the "non-rich"

A caller asked him what he made and how he "shared his wealth" with the less fortunate. He hemmed and hawed and gave a half assed answer about buying land and not developing it to keep it environmentally clean...in my world that's called real estate speculation.

He made a point that the richest 1% own more than the other 99% of the population (actually I think that number is one of those pull a number out of the air. How could you verify that). I remember when the homeless situation was the cause Du jour. Someone said a homeless person dies every 6 seconds in America. That became an accepted number. I did the math, and in one year there would have been no homeless people left to die! I think the richest 1% number is like that. Someone pulled a number out of their ass, it sounded good (great sound bites), and it became an accepted number

Almost all of the rich people I know worked their butt off to get the money they have (40 hours a week was unheard of, more like 70-80). They took risks, they saved an scrimped in the beginning, they invested in education both formal and informal. They paid off their credit cards each month, they didn't buy a big screen TV until their old TV actually died.. They bought used cars and drove them till the wheels fell off. They did the opposite of what most non-rich people do.

Do we really want to discourage hard work? Opportunity is what America offers to people.

Admittedly I have never liked Michael Moore. I like him less every time he releases a "documentary". Documentary implies you are documenting something. He does not document, he dramatizes, and that's "OK". The problem is that since he has control over what makes it to the screen, we never see when anyone who has a good answer puts him in his place.

Capitalism is not perfect, but it is better than any other system out there. Certainly better than socialism which has failed everywhere it has been tried. China is just becoming an economic force, and it is no coincidence that they have adopted some capitalist ideals. If this country is so bad, why does he stay? he certainly has the means to move to any country.

I want my kids to have the opportunity to achieve things based on hard work and merit. The idea that we should share the wealth with those "less fortunate" is a great idea, the problem is that very few people are truly "less fortunate". "Less fortunate" has become the way of describing less motivated, less educated, and less disciplined. Is that what we want to reward?

There's Something About Mary

2009-09-23T20:54:00.003-04:00

No its not about the movie, unfortunately.

I am a dialysis patient, and because of that I get exposed to death more frequently than most people my age. Since I tend to be outgoing and in a positive frame of mind (most of the time), I know almost everyone in my unit by name, and I greet them each morning. Every few months someone I have known for a few years and have greeted three mornings per week, suddenly stops coming to dialysis.

I would love to tell you they just transferred to a different unit, or got a transplant. In a perfect world that would be the case. What really happens is they have passed away. It is a constant reminder to me that my grasp on life is more tenuous than most. Sometimes it inspires me to get the most out of the time I have here, other times it just scares the hell out of me.

Oddly enough the transformation takes place almost overnight. Mary is the latest potential casualty. She was not in the greatest of shape, but she walked in and out of dialysis under her own power and lived in her own place, taking care of herself. About two weeks ago she stopped coming to dialysis. When I asked about her I was told she was in the hospital. She had broken her leg. While she was in the hospital she developed serious bedsores, and now she resides in a rehab facility (nursing home) and is driven back and forth by ambulance. The transformation has been terrible to watch. She arrives at dialysis moaning in pain and doesn't stop for 4 hours. when they transfer her from the ambulance stretcher to the dialysis stretcher, she cries out in pain.

I have seen this process before, and my guess is Mary is going to be the next casualty. Just two weeks ago I gave her some home made meatballs, now she can't even get out of bed.

While I may be exposed to this more than the average person, all of us should realize that no one has a stranglehold on life. No one knows when their day will come, we just know that it will.

It reminds me to do two things:

1.) Never take my life for granted. Life is too short as it is, and we should all enjoy the time we have here. It is too short to hold grudges, and it is too short to be angry. Those things hurt you more than the person it is directed at.

2.) Make sure I tell the most important people in my life how much they mean to me.

I hope I am wrong about Mary. 9 years ago I was right where Mary is. Being transported by ambulance, in great pain, and not given much of a chance to survive. It wasn't my time (I know that because I am writing this now). Maybe it isn't yet hers. When my time does come I want to have no regrets, no grudges, no anger and no incomplete relationships.

Now please excuse me while I go call my Daughter who is away at college, and remind her how much I miss her.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls

2009-09-18T12:31:00.004-04:00

I missed a few days. Plenty to write about but a combo of time and pain prevented me from getting to it. (Bad excuse, I could have made the time. Just like a slacker makes up excuses, so am I) Truthfully all the people who say they did not have the time are really saying there were more important things on their agenda and they just goofed off the rest of the time! I will not miss three days in a row again!

My mom sent me an internet inspiration. Some of those are just OK, some are good, some are Gold. You decide which one this is.

There is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two horses, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....

Good friends are like that... you may not always see them, but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

And remember...be kinder than necessary.

Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

I have to remember that sometimes there people who seem blind and deaf, and may need a gentle touch to guide them along. Each one of us will find ourselves both a bell ringer and a bell follower. Sometimes as a ringer you need a little inspiring as well. The past few days have been like that for me. I needed a bell to remind me of my direction

Thanks Mom for always knowing when I need a bell to follow. Happy birthday (admittedly a belated HB) and thanks for passing this along without the usual "if you pass this along to your 10 best friends yadda yadda yadda)

The Worlds Dumbest Parents

2009-09-13T10:29:00.005-04:00

The Worlds Dumbest Parents-that's my idea for a new reality TV show. It will show parents finding fault with their kids, criticizing them unnecessarily, putting them down for no good reason, and generally doing things to hurt their kids feelings. I bet it would be a smash hit! Reality TV has taken over the airwaves. Everywhere I look a new reality concept has popped up. It seemed to start with MTV's the Real World, and exploded when Survivor captured America's imagination. Now it seems every day brings some new concept to try to capture our imaginations.

I have somehow managed to avoid the reality TV fascination. I don't get any pleasure watching people expose all their problems to a national audience. I never could understand why people would embarrass themselves in front of the world (I get the money part, if I were guaranteed the million like Richard Hatch it would be worth the embarrassment). The ones that get their own shows or are guaranteed big bucks I get, but the ones who just do it for free baffle me.

My youngest daughter Cassie was watching a reality show called "The Worlds Strictest Parents". The premise of the show is that parents with uncontrollable teens send their problem children to super strict parents to see if their children can be "broken". It is a show that portrays a "Boot Camp" like atmosphere. The episode my kid was watching had a 15 year old girl who would come home falling down drunk, who would curse at her mom (dad was divorced and out of the picture), who smoked, and was an all around PITA (pain in the ass).

As I was making dinner, I was half/watching the program, and two things were going on in my mind. The first was how glad I was that neither of my girls has ever come home falling down drunk, has never had a drinking or drug problem (too my knowledge has never even tried marijuana or any other street drug), and although my oldest smoked a few cigarettes, she quit before it ever became a habit. The second was the amazing way the back-talking and disrespect resembled the way the kids talk to my wife and occasionally to me.

We have raised our kids in a "violence free" household. With the exception of one spanking each (consisting of one swat to rump for my youngest and one light slap to the face of my oldest) when they were very young and acting out in public, we have never raised a hand or a paddle or a "switch" to our kids. Perhaps the old adage "spare the rod and spoil the child" is true. With no fear of physical punishment, and very little fear of other kinds of punishment, my kids seemed to think it was okay to talk back to us.

A part of me wanted to say something to her like "see that kid, that's the way you sound when you talk to us that way". It would have been so easy to point out to her how her behavior was as atrocious as the kid on TV. I wanted to scream out "we should send you there for a little discipline".

I swallowed hard and said "boy am I glad you have never come home falling down drunk", and I followed it up with "and I'm sure glad you never took up smoking". I love my kids. There is nothing more important to me in the world, and because of that I have decided to do my utmost not to say things that will hurt them emotionally or to do things that will hurt them physically. The world has enough in store for them without my adding to the pain. I am their Dad, someone who is supposed to protect them and try to build their self esteem. I know what is in store for them as they get older. The world is full of people who are going to find fault with them. I want to add to that as little as possible. Sometimes it is hard not to say the things I want to say. Sometimes I fail and let my anger get the best of me, but not very often, and less and less all the time

Dale Carnegie says "any fool can criticize, and most fools do". There is an ancient Chinese proverb that says "don't complain about the snow on your neighbors porch when your own is unclean". John Wanamaker said " "I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.". Of course the Bible says it a hundred different ways, but none better than "let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". I want to be done "casting stones". I know firsthand how much they hurt. The last thing in the world I want is for the ones I love the most to wonder "why does he say things he knows will hurt me?"

Instead, I want my kids to remember me as the Dad that overlooked their faults and focused on their strengths. The Dad who always ignored the opportunity to find fault but never missed the chance to give to give praise. I have a long way to go and not much time to do it (how quickly the time flies seems to be a common theme of my writings, perhaps I am a bit obsessed with my own mortality)

From what I have seen in my EXTREMELY limited reality TV experience, criticism is the norm. My life experiences say the same thing. It will not be easy, but I will be the exception. I believe it is the right thing to do. At least in my opinion!

Actions speak louder than AC adapters

2009-09-12T10:00:00.003-04:00

OK so my title is a little off. I hope it will make sense to you as read on. I had an interesting interaction yesterday. To explain it I need to go back almost 1 year to Oct 31st 2008. My wife wanted to buy a laptop (the one she had needed to have its power coupling fixed for the second time in 2 years) and did not want to wait to have one sent to her. She decided to buy a Gateway at Best Buy.

Almost from the very beginning it had problems. Programs freezing, computer crashing, erratic performances (no blue screen of death since vista has its own way of handling problems), not all the time but enough to drive you batty. One day (after about 4 months) the computer just refused to load Vista.

She brought it back to Best Buy, where they said something to the effect of "we are very sorry for the problem and will do everything we can to resolve this to your satisfaction" (hmmmm sounds like customer service 101). They diagnosed the problem as a bad hard drive. They kept the computer for about a week and returned it with a new hard drive, but without an operating system (seems we were supposed to do the work of re-loading the OS and all the rest of the programs). While I thought this a bit odd, I kept my mouth shut and reloaded all the programs.

In August of this year (a month and a half before the warranty runs out) the battery on the computer will not charge, and worse yet, it will not run using the plugged in AC adapter. Another trip to Best Buy reveals "they are very sorry for the problem and will do everything they can to resolve this to our satisfaction" (sounds familiar) and the AC adapter has gone bad. Best Buy will not replace it because "Gateway prefers to handle Warranty work itself ".

A little miffed I get on-line with Gateway Tech Support and explain my problem. The Tech (from India of course) begins by saying "we are very sorry for the problem and is certain he can resolve this to my satisfaction" and asks me for the serial number on the back of the computer. There are three numbers. The one that looks most promising says "Serial No. followed by 11 digits". I enter the number and the tech says "sorry that number is invalid". The second number is a windows registration key, but the third number looks promising. 22 numbers and letters on a sticker attached to the back of the computer. The problem is the 3rd, 4th, and 5th characters are unreadable due to a scratch on the sticker. When I explain this to the tech, he ends our chat session with an abrupt "contact us again when you have the serial number" (as JarJar Binks would say "how wude"). So far this has not met with my satisfaction!

Where do I go from there? A call to Best Buy reveals that "they are sorry for the inconvenience this has caused me" but they do not keep track of the serial numbers, and if I take the computer back to the Best Buy where it was purchased, they may be able to help me determine the serial number (apparently the guys at Best Buy can recreate that which has been scratched off). Knowing that would be a wild goose chase, I tried Customer Service at Gateway one more time. This time I asked for a supervisor and was put in touch with someone who explained once again that although they wanted very much to "resolve this problem to my complete satisfaction", without a serial number they could do nothing to help me. I had a warranty, I had a receipt proving when I purchased the computer, I had a bad AC Adapter, and I had a whole bunch of people trained to say the right things while doing everything wrong.

To finish the story, I complained via the web, to the Attorney General of Iowa, and the very next day Gateway did the right thing and agreed to send me the AC adapter.

My point to this blog is not about complaints or Best Buy or Gateway (you can draw your own conclusions about them). My point is everyone was saying the right things (although it sounded like they had a canned approach to dealing with complaints) but not doing the right thing.

You have all heard the expression "Actions speak louder than words" or the biblical phrase "you shall be known by your deeds". You can say everything right, but if your actions don't support the words, it is the actions we believe. I don't believe anyone was trying to help me except the Lady that finally agreed to send me the adapter. Their actions spoke louder than their words.

I wonder how often I spoke the words, but my actions said something altogether different. I can think of more than a few times in my life when that was true.

I resolve to make my actions and my words say the same thing.

She's off to see the Wizard

2009-09-09T14:55:00.004-04:00

My oldest daughter left for College today. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, she has no clue the adventures that lie ahead of her. I knew this day would come I just didn't know it would happen so fast. I sent her a text that said :

It's hard to describe what I feel today. I am sad you are leaving but excited for the next step in your life. Remember the only way you can fail is if you do not try your best. I will miss your enthusiasm around the house, but I know you are just a phone call away. Christmas is just around the corner, so you will be home before I know it. Your life will now be very different from what you are used to. More freedom but more responsibility too. No one to wake you up, or tell you when to go to bed, laundry to do, and no one to do it but you. You will be an adult but without the bills to pay! What a great time in your life this will be. I know you are ready for this. Have fun, but remember why you are there. Mom and I will always be there for you, so you will never be alone.. Try to sit in front. The prof's like it and you learn more If you get nervous about something, don't keep it to yourself. Talking helps put things in their proper perspective. Don't make others problems yours. It is hard enough to live your own life. don't be afraid to ask for help, from us or from anyone. You will find people love to help (at least the right people do). I pray this becomes the most exciting time in your life (so far) I will always be your biggest fan.

Love
Dad

I have a lot more to tell her, but advice is like food. It's much better if you get it a little at a time.

When Karen and I first had kids, I had all kinds of plans for them. Like most parents I wrote a little script for the way their lives would turn out (sort of my version of the Yellow Brick Road). All she had to do was follow it and at the end there were things she couldn't imagine Of course there was no pain, no sorrow, and in the end they both would up educated, famous and rich. Silly, I know. Life is defined by the struggles we endure ( Dorothy had the apple trees and the witch, and the wizard himself) . Most people I know whose lives I thought were "downhill and shady" had just as much pain and sorrow as everyone else. We all run across a witch or two. The older I got, the more I realized I just wanted them to be happy.

So my oldest daughter is on to the next phase of her life (one where I play a much smaller role) and my youngest is getting her drivers license. I will blink my eyes and she too will be gone. I just hope they realize how much I love them, and how badly I want them to choose happiness (if you read my other blogs you know what I mean by that)

One of my favorite inspirational posters is the one that shows mountain climbers and says "life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"

While I am a little tearful about it, my oldest daughter is on to her next daring adventure, without me this time. While it saddens me to see her go, that was always part of the script I wrote for her when she was just a little girl! Be careful what you wish for (like the Incredible Mr. Limpett), for wishes do come true!

What about Bob?

2009-09-03T23:08:00.004-04:00

In an earlier post I wrote about a guy named Bob. He was the guy that that kept asking me questions but didn't listen to the answers.

Good ol' Bob gave me something else to write about! Bob is to my blog what George W. Bush was to all the comedians, and endless source of great material!

Bob has regular doctors appointments in the same building where I go to dialysis three days a week. He and I are bound to run into each other (especially since he appears to be looking for me). Today (much to my chagrin) he found me.

Bob is one of those guys who thinks everyone likes him, but I'm guessing most people try to avoid him if they have talked to him before. He is one of those guys who will compliment what you say, then tell you why you are wrong. He will say something like "that's really interesting, but don't you think...)

One thing I learned from all my training was not to test people. There are lots of ways to test people, and most of them are BAD. One way to test people is to do what Bob did. He came in to the building, saw me waiting for my ride, and said "hey do you remember my name?" I did, and I lied! "Nope, sure don't" I replied with a smile. He shook his head and with a look of disgust he said "Bob" and wheeled away (he has a wheelchair too although he can walk). Relieved that I would not have to talk with him again, I thought "I can't wait til the next time he tests me so I can fail again!"

There are a couple of ways we test people in life. One way is the way Bob did. Why ask a person if they remembered your name? If they did not remember you, you feel bad and the other person is embarrassed. Why risk embarrassing someone you hardly know and making yourself feel bad in the process? Better to say "hi, I'm Bob, we talked last week". Whether the person remembered you or not, all is well. It is never good to put someone in a position to fail. Don't say "do you remember how to do this?" Try saying "you probably remember how to do this, but just in case..."
Always try to put people in a position to look good not bad. I take this idea to the extreme. Two weeks before my birthday I begin leaving reminders. "Only 14 more shopping days till the 30th". "Fathers day is just around the corner". A lot of people think they shouldn't have to remind you of important dates like birthdays and anniversary's, my philosophy is why give people the chance to forget. It embarrasses them and hurts my feelings

Another way of testing is to ask a person a question you already know the answer to, and think they might lie about. Why set a person up that way. Life is hard enough without tempting people to lie to you. Early on in my marriage, I worked some freakishly long hours. One time I was working into the wee hours and my wife called at 3:00 am. I did not want to interrupt my flow so I let it go to voicemail. Half an hour later I got home and my wife said "where were you so late"? When I told her the office, she narrowed her eyes at me and said "I called your office". I smiled and said "I know, at 3:09 am". Of course she was mad that I did not answer, but I was also mad she would try to catch me in a lie. A better way to do something like that is to say "I called your office because I was worried about you, where were you"? It is really not nice to put people in a position to lie to you. There are lots of examples I could give, but I'm sure you have either tested someone or had someone test you in this manner. Don't put people in a position to compromise their integrity. If my kids ever read this (and I hope they do, since this is really for them)they will remember that I never gave them the chance to lie to me. If Cassie's books had never been opened, I didn't ask "have you started your reading yet" I said "Cassie I noticed your books have not been opened, and I know you have reading to do". If Tori's report card said she was missing assignments, I didn't ask "have you turned in all your assignments"

Don't embarrass others or put them in a position to fail. Don't test others. The bible says "let he who is without sin cast the first stone". I say "let he who has never forgotten a name or important date, or told a white lie, give the first test"
Don't we get tested enough by life?

Time flies whether you are having fun or not!

2009-09-03T08:34:00.003-04:00

I heard from a young friend (if I called her an old friend she would be pissed) who reminded me how long we have known each other. When we first met her daughter was just a kid (maybe in middle school). She didn't like boys (boys are annoying when you are that age) and gymnastics was the most important thing in her life. I don't think my oldest was even born yet.

I blinked my eyes and 25 years went by. Like Michael Newman, the character played by Adam Sandler in the movie "Click", it seems like my life has been in fast forward. The only difference is I have no "magic remote" to go back and review the important events in my life. The other difference is that I am quite sure Morty, played by Christopher Walken, is not going to give me a second chance.

If I had the chance to go back, I wouldn't. While life is a fantastic adventure, it can be very hard. There are things in my life I would not want to go through again. Certainly there are some things I would love to do again, but all I have to do is close my eyes and those experiences come back to me in vivid detail.

I have very few regrets in my life, to be sure I have a few. Anyone who says they have no regrets is either a liar or a sociopath. I wish I had a few "mulligans" (that's a golfing term, a "do over" for all you non golfers). The things I regret were mistakes I made that had bad consequences for other people. For the most part, I wouldn't change a thing. The things I did made me the person I am and gave me things I have.

Sometimes when I think "I wish I had gone away to college instead of commuting" I realize that an action like that would probably have spun my life into an entirely different direction. Maybe better, maybe worse, but I doubt I would have the same wife, kids and friends that I do now, so the most important things in my life would be changed. Rent the movie "Mr. Destiny" with Jim Belushi (it's like "Click" but no remote, a better plot, and better acting) it is a great "message movie".

Back to my young friend, she reminded me her daughter has not lived at home "full time" for 11 years. It seems like yesterday we had lunch at Charlies Crab in the Northfield Hilton (one of those great memories I can re-live). I will blink my eyes again and my oldest daughter will be 11 years gone from my home, and my youngest will be 8 years gone!

A great reminder that I need to enjoy every moment of my life, because time flies period! Today you may be single and carefree, it will seem like tomorrow and 25 years will pass. Enjoy everything. Hold no grudges, they are excess baggage that hurt you more than the person you are holding the grudge against. Try everything. When you get to be older you don't want to say "I wish I had tried this". Don't let your friends "drift away". Before you know it, you will have not seen them for 8 years (or more). If you are unhappy with the direction of your life, change it. Don't say "I wish I had...". If there is something you wish you had done, do it now. It's never too late to start something new.

At least that is the way it has been for me, and since these are all just my opinions, you can take them or leave them.

Are You an Arrow?

2009-09-01T18:40:00.003-04:00

I read an article yesterday where a politician said, "in this business you are either a target or an arrow". The comment really struck home. All my life I have been training myself to be an arrow. Arrows seek out the things they want, targets are content to be struck by whatever happens to fly by. Arrows take the shortest distance to the bullseye, targets can be moved around wherever you want them. An arrow has to be held back, because if you let it go, its gone in the blink of an eye. A target has to be propped up (usually by a bale of hay). Arrows have strong heads, targets have soft surfaces and thin skins.

Being an arrow it seems, is far better than being a target. As I said, my life has been a search for the "arrow in me".

The problem with being an arrow is that sometimes you unintentionally "shoot" someone you love. I did just that this week. Someday when my daughter reads these (I am trying to capture my thoughts, ideas and feelings for all the people I love, so that when I am gone there will be more of me to remember than just old photos) she will remember how sorry I am about what happened.

My oldest is going away to school in September. For the last three weeks, she has been "holed up" in her room, and hardly says a word to me. This is a HUGE change for us. Normally she bursts into my room, filled with enthusiasm, and tells me everything that went on (right or wrong) with her life that day. The past few weeks I have been lucky if she grunts an "I'm not hungry" at me.

I knew there was something wrong, and I was certain I did something that made her angry with me. When I asked her what was wrong, all i got was a "nothing dad everything is fine". The arrow in me refused to accept that. I knew I had done something, and I could not bear to have the kid who meant so much to me, stay angry with me. After all, in a few short weeks she will be gone for months. I had to get to the bottom of this and I had to do it fast. Since she was not talking to me, I texted her an "I don't know what I did, but we gotta put this behind us" message.

She came to my room with fire in her eyes. "I have been trying to tell you that its not you dad. I'm upset, I haven't gone anywhere, I'm upstairs watching TV." "All my friends are mad at me because I wont go out. I don't know why, blame the chemicals in my brain" "what am I supposed to do, come to your room and say hey dad, nothings changed, I didn't do shit today?". and she added "I don't need you to make me feel worse about it"

With tears in my eyes I told her "I'm sorry honey, you tried to tell me that and I just didn't listen. It will not happen again". I hugged her for the first time in weeks, and that was the end of it.

I get it. She is not really depressed. She is scared about the future (who wouldn't be). She will be living away from home for the first time, with a roommate she has never met. None of her close friends are going to the same school, so she will be all alone 5 states away. I guess I might be a little depressed if I were her.

Shame on me for not listening, shame on me for not being more understanding, but mostly shame on me for not trusting in my relationship with my daughter.

Rather than listen, and try to put myself in her shoes, the Arrow in me wanted to get to the heart of the problem.

To all you arrows out there, ease up on the bowstring when dealing with your loved ones. Sometimes its better to be a target.

At least that's how I feel today, of course like all my writings, this is just an opinion. Remember opinions are like diapers, they should be changed often, and for the exact same reason.

The worlds most precious commodity

2009-08-30T06:57:00.006-04:00

Ask someone on the street what the worlds most precious commodity is and you are likely to get different answers.

Some may say oil, or its refined version gasoline. Certainly it is of great importance to developed countries, and even more so to developing countries like China, where access to oil may limit its growth.

Ask a 21 year old and you are likely to get the answer Alcohol (because of its ability to replace fossil fuels no doubt)

An investor may say gold or silver, a Florida farmer might answer orange juice.

Ask a person anywhere outside the North American continent, and the answer is most likely to be clean drinking water. What we take for granted here is of such vital importance elsewhere in the world that people routinely die due to the lack of it. I read an article that said 2.2 million deaths per annum occur from unsanitary water - ninety percent of these are children under the age of five.Sot

Even in the good ol' USA there isn't always the cleanest water (take Florida for instance). The water is always safe, but due to high sulfur content or other impurities, it doesn't smell or taste the best, but no one ever died from drinking it.

I take it for granted that when I turn on the faucet, clean disease free water is there for me to drink, cook with, bathe in, water my lawn with, or to simply watch it go down the drain if i choose. Since I read the article I started conserving water. I no longer wait for the hot water to fill the tea kettle. I catch the cold water before it warms for the shower, in a bottle (OK i don't catch it all) and use that to brush my teeth. I turn the water off after I am soaped and shampooed up, then turn it back on to rinse. I stopped running the water to clean the dishes and started filling a sink to rinse them all. I need to do more to be more water conscious, but at least its a start. This blog is not really about water. Its about all the things I take for granted. I made a list, and I will eventually share the whole list with you

Food: I take for granted the unprecedented access we have in America to safe, disease free food, and that I can get it 24/7/365 in a variety never before available to a population. Asian pears, Italian olive oil, Greek olives, wine cheese and champagne from France, Pistachios from Iran, fruits and vegetables that are not in season here are imported from Chile and other other South American Countries, Lamb from New Zealand, Ham from Poland, Crab from Alaska, Pineapple from Hawaii, and a thousand other things, just by going to COSTCO

Education: Both my girls were not just allowed to go to school, they were required to go (as was I). In many countries, education is only for the privileged. In some countries the sign on the education door says "no women", or "no poor". In poorer nations the children must go to work to help the family survive. Here EVERYONE has the same opportunity to get an education, and to better themselves as a result. Some people think our educational system is flawed. The fault lies not with the system of education in our country, but with the Parents, School Boards, Administrators, Union officials, and Teachers (in that order) of the failing school systems. The system itself is the best in the world, and attracts the best and the brightest from around the world. If your school system is failing you, the fault lies first with the Parents.

Freedom: We have unprecedented freedoms here. We have the freedom to vote, and to recall officials who do not serve us the way we elected them to. We have the freedom to believe in the God of our choice, without the fear of being killed for the way we believe. We have the freedom to speak, and although we may face harsh criticism for voicing our opinions (our detractors have the same freedom to speak as we do!) we do not get put in jail or threatened with a jihad for voicing our opinions. We have the freedom to travel without restrictions or special permissions. We have the freedom to congregate and protest against that which we believe is wrong. We have the freedom to keep and bear arms. We have way too many freedoms to list here. The Freedom commodity draws more people to America than any other. When people complain about limiting our freedoms (like making us get a background check before buying a handgun), I have to laugh. Send the whiners to China, or Russia, or Cuba, (pick any country without a representative democracy, and 1/2 the ones who do!), for a week to learn what real oppression is.

Family: Like most people I take my family for granted. Not that I don't love them, I do. I just don't tell them enough, and I assume way to much. They take me for granted as well (the whole circle of life thing). I don't have time to go into great detail, nor is it very interesting, Suffice it to say my kids think my wife and I were put here to pay their bills, bring them food and drink, and clean up after them (wow, I just realized my kids think they are the Pharaohs and my wife and I are the slaves!)

There are many more precious commodities I take for granted, way to many to write about in one sitting.

Today I am going to be grateful for all the things I take for granted. I am going to God for the gifts he has given me and my family. I am going to thank my mom for always being there when I most needed her. I am going to thank my dad for all the great training he gave me. I am going to thank my wife for standing by me when most women would have fled. I can't decide whether to be grateful to my girls for trying hard to live up to my high expectations, or to beat them with a stick for not being more grateful for all the opportunities we have given them (I'll probably skip the beating for now)

If we all took our gifts a little less for granted, it may not make the world a better place, but it will make us better people.

My opinion, and in America I can have it, speak openly about it (while drinking clean water, carrying a gun, eating a sandwich, protesting against the war in Iraq, and studying for an advanced degree) if I feel like it!

Daddy's and Daughters

2009-08-29T14:17:00.006-04:00

I have two teenage daughters. As I continue to write, I'm sure a large percentage of my topics will revolve around them.

My wife has this great relationship with her dad. Worship is not the right word, since my wife reserves that for God, but her dad comes in a close second. I always wanted that kind of relationship with my daughters, but the older they get, the less I believe that will happen.

I think if I had sons, I would feel differently, less protective. They are (would be) boys after all. All you need to do with boys is teach them how to take care of themselves. Toughen ‘em up and turn ‘em loose on an unsuspecting world, and watch them go! Of course, since I have no sons, I am sure I am wrong. Dad’s (good ones anyway) are probably just as protective of their sons as I am of my daughters.

One of the biggest concerns I have is that my girls find the right guy. We live in a suburb of Detroit. Like all big cities, it has it’s share of crime, but the article I read today carried a special chill for me as a father. You might think it was the article about the 11-year-old held hostage for 18 years, but you would be wrong. While that case was tragic, it is hard to imagine something like that happening to my girls. The article that gave me the chill was about a guy who will be nameless for this article, but who I will call Dirtbag

It seems that Dirtbag met a gal in one of our casinos, and the two of them hit it off. A week later, he had her pick him up for their first date. Now all first dates are difficult (getting to know someone is never easy), but this one was beyond what anyone should have to go through. When dinner was through, Dirtbag said he left his wallet in her car and asked her for the keys. Some of you can see it coming…he skipped out on the check, stole her car, and left her stranded.

Now don’t get me wrong…things could have gone so much worse. A restaurant bill and a stolen car are not the worst thing that could happen to a girl (I’m pretty sure she thinks she was lucky now that she knows what kind of man he was). I guess what chills me about the story is that I CAN see that happening to my girls.

As I said in one of my previous blogs, you can’t judge someone by how they look. Weirdo’s come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. As a dad, I am terrified that something like that could happen to one of mine.

As a dad, I want so much to protect them, but I realize that at some point, I can no longer watch out for them. My oldest has a boyfriend that could be a car stealer / check skipper. It has already caused a little strain between us. I decided to step aside and let her figure it out. I am sure it will not last anyway. If I do my job right and raise my girls the way my father in law raised my wife, my daughters will do just fine.

The hardest thing in the world to do, is to let someone you love live their life the way they want to live it. We know so much better how they should live it than they do. There are going to be some skipped checks in life, but they have to go through that don't they?.

Who knows if I am right? After all, all this stuff is just my opinion.

By the way, Dirtbag is (to the best of my knowledge) in the Royal Oak Lockup on charges of Grand Theft Auto. Stay away from my girls when you get out!

You are as tired as you think you are

2009-08-28T14:38:00.002-04:00

I had a great conversation with my driver Shawn this morning. These drivers have a tough job. They get up at 4:00 am and sometimes work until 6:30pm (kind of a long shift) and although their jobs are not physically strenuous, they require rapt attention. Dealing with customers can also be mentally challenging. Of course they are underpaid. Add it all up and it makes for an exhausting day...if you allow it to be.

Earlier in my career, my wife and I both worked long hours (this was BK). We were up by 5:30, she didn't get home until after 7:00pm and me by after 11:00pm 4 days a week. When Friday rolled around, all we wanted to do was watch TV and fall asleep early for a change. We were absolutely exhausted...we thought.

We were planning an exotic vacation (remember this was BK) and decided we wanted to learn to SCUBA dive. Rec Dive had classes, but the only night we could be sure both of us could make was Friday night from 7-10pm. The first Friday night we got home from work expecting to be dragging. Surprisingly we were not. Filled with anticipation and enthusiasm for this new experience, we were like a couple of 10 year olds who didn't want to get out of the pool...no matter how blue our lips turned.

For 6 weeks we attended class, both in the classroom and the pool, and for 6 weeks we not only went to class we went out after class with some of the other students. Exhaustion....never.

Oddly enough once the classes were over, we went back to the old routine. Friday night TV fall asleep early, man were we exhausted...or were we?

We discovered that exhaustion has more to do with what you need to do than what you have already done! If you have things to do, places to go, people to meet, you have as much energy as you need! That does not mean the body can not become physically "whooped", but in today's power window, electric garage door, remote control TV, electric food processor, society, we really don't expend much physical energy. When people talk about mental exhaustion, it's just that, mental! That means you can also become mentally un-exhausted.

After that experience I realized that when I was "exhausted" it was a choice, not a condition. I am not talking about being sleep deprived, the body does need sleep. Without the right amount a person can wear themselves out. Most of us "exhausted" people though get enough sleep. If you don't, a 20 minute nap does wonders (no more no less).

You are only as tired as you choose to be! While I am at it, you are only as happy, sad, confident, fearful, stressed, calm, angry, loving, (insert your situation here) as you choose to be!

I choose to be a morning person (and an afternoon, evening late-night person). I choose to be filled with enthusiasm. I choose to be in a great mood (most of the time), and when I'm in a bad mood, that's my choice as well.

Choose to be all the positive things, forget about about the impact on those around you, you will feel 1,000 % better

By the way, if you haven't figured out what BK is, it stands for Before Kids, the wonderful time in your life where money is more available, you have extra time on your hands, far less aggravation and stress, and a lot less exhaustion!

The worst thing I did to my body

2009-08-27T13:16:00.003-04:00

There was a saying when I was younger. Live fast, die young, and have a good looking corpse. When I first heard that, my reaction was "nope, not for me". When I die, I want people to look at my corpse and say "man, that guy went through hell", "what did he do to make himself look that bad?". I wanted to die old, have a terrible looking corpse, and show the world I did everything I could while I was alive. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

So far I have accomplished 1/2 of my goal, my corpse will look like hell (those of you who know me know how true that statement is)

Over the years I found great ways to abuse my body. I started the abuse with tobogganing. When I was just a kid my mom got my brother and me a toboggan. Anyone who has ever used one knows the kind of damage you can do on a steep hill. Next came skiing, a brand new way to hurtle my body down a steep snow covered hill with obstacles waiting to slam you to the ground. As I got older I discovered even better ways to abuse my body. Alcohol let me feel the same pain without all that work of getting all dressed up and using all that energy. Anyone who has ever had a serious hangover knows exactly what I am talking about.

Without a doubt, the best way I ever found to abuse my body was tobacco. I was a Newport guy for somewhere around 20 years. I know why I started smoking. When I was a kid, it seemed like everyone was a smoker. My mom smoked, her husband smoked, I was pretty sure my dad smoked (we were not that close when I was a kid). Everyone on TV and in the movies smoked. The high school I went to actually allowed smoking (not inside, but outside the building between classes). The students and teachers would go outside to catch a quick smoke between classes. Smoking was cool, an adult thing to do. It put you in the company of older "cooler" people, and gave you something in common with them. It gave you an easy way to approach girls, "got a light" was smoker talk for "wow you are hot, looking for a boyfriend?" Even though you had to be 18 to buy cigarettes, the school never gave us any problems. Buying them was easy as well. You could not go into a store and buy them, but there were cigarette machines everywhere. Drop in $.50 (Can you believe that? Not $5, 50 cents), pull a lever and out came a pack of smokes and a book of matches too (that was before the greatest invention in the history of smoking, the Bic lighter). When I got to college, it was easier (since I was old enough to buy them). Since smoking was legal for all us college kids, The OC (my college hangout) allowed smoking inside. In fact they had a small non-smoking section way in the back for all the weenies who were not cool enough to smoke!

I never realized the damage I was doing. When you are young and in reasonably good shape, smoking did not make it hard to climb stairs, or make you hack and cough when you woke up. It was only as I got older that the damage became more obvious, and by then, I was severely addicted. I lied to myself by saying I could quit whenever I wanted to, I just did not want to. The truth was tobacco had me by throat (actually somewhere lower, but I am being polite).

The world changed around me. Somewhere between the time I started at 14 and the time I quit at the age of 34, the world discovered that smoking was actually bad for you. It started with a warning on the side of the package. "Warning: cigarette smoking may be hazardous to your health", became "Warning: the Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health", then a series of warnings about cancer and low birth weight. It was now painfully obvious that smoking was a dumb thing to do.

Everyone around me became a non smoker. My mom quit, my dad quit, one by one all my friends who smoked quit. My wife never smoked (how she tolerated my smell is beyond me). Suddenly there was pressure from all angles to quit. So I did what anyone in my position (hopelessly addicted) would do, I lied about quitting. My car became my smoking refuge. As often as I could, I went for a drive to feed my habit. In between drives, I tried to hide my habit (took a shower when I got home, brushed my teeth, used mouthwash, splashed on cologne). Of course I fooled no one. Smoking was no longer cool. Now if you smoked people looked at you like you were a loser. The non smoking section became the smoking section (way in the back with all the other weenies who were not cool enough to be a non-smoker), and eventually we were even kicked out of all the buildings. I still see the desperately addicted, huddling together outside in the dead of winter braving the cold to feed the beast its nicotine

Two things finally got me to quit. One was when a friend of mine died of alcoholism. I was talking to someone about it, and I said "How can you be dumb enough to let a substance control your life like that" As I put out my smoke, the parallel struck me square between the eyes. I was doing the same thing, just with a different substance. I was no smarter and no better than an alcoholic or a heroin addict. A crack head and a smoker have a lot in common. The only real difference is you can buy smokes anywhere and for a lot cheaper. The image of me as an addict was too much for my ego to suffer, I knew I was better than that. The second thing was when my oldest daughter "caught me". I took her to my office, had her stay in the car while I ran in to get something, and used the chance to light one up. As I was coming out of the office I flipped away the cigarette (when you smoke, the world is one big ashtray), and thought I got away with it. When I got back in the car my 5 year old said "daddy, why do you smoke?" I don't remember my answer, but I do remember thinking "yeah, why do I?". The follow up is what caused me to quit forever. My 5 year old looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "daddy, I don't want you to die".

I wish I could tell you quitting was easy, it wasn't. It is fifteen years later, and once in a while when the alarm goes off, I will reach for a smoke and realize I will never smoke again.

My oldest claims she has tried cigarettes, but there are too many signs to ignore. She does not smoke often, but that will change if she does not end it now. No one can be a part time smoker. It is only a matter of time. I know from personal experience, once it has you, it is like a Boa Constrictor. It wraps its coils around you and keeps squeezing you harder and harder (an apt analogy since they both take your breath away).

I think I will remind her that smoking gave me tongue cancer (part of my bad looking corpse, I am missing the right side of my tongue courtesy of a mildly invasive squamous cell carcinoma). I will take her to a bar named Roosevelt's (a smokers paradise). I will have lunch there with her, then take her outside and have her smell her clothes and my hair. When you smoke, you carry the "cloud" of stench with you. Since she likes money as much as her dad does, I will show her that over their lifetime, a smoker will spend an amount that if invested would become a Million Dollars (no Joke, A MILLION DOLLARS.) $5/pack x 7 packs per week x 52 weeks per year x 30 years + a reasonable rate of return, do the math. And smoking will not get cheaper, it is the favorite tax target of every State and the Federal Government. Funny, they are like drug dealers, taking advantage of the addicted to raise money. I will try to explain the terrible price you pay by smoking (she already knows this, but a reminder never hurts). Somehow I must inspire her the way she once inspired me.

The price of smoking is way too high. I can't let her take as long as I did to learn. I love her too much to idly stand by and watch her slowly kill herself. You probably have people in you life that need to quit. Remind them with love. Nagging doesn't work, criticizing doesnt work, punishment doesn't work, education doesn't work, at least all those tactics failed to change me. In the movie "Natural Born Killers" there is a line that says "love kills the beast". It killed mine, now I must see if my love can kill it again.

Remind the people around you who smoke, how much you love them, and how hard it is to watch someone you love slowly kill themselves. Let's all hope that love kills the beast

TMI dad TMI

2009-08-24T19:03:00.003-04:00

I wrote a blog today about one of the big three Taboo Subjects (politics, religion, and sex)

It is a blog you will never see unless I write a book someday. Too bad really, it was funny, and insightful, with just the right amount of humor and balanced with a serious look at how religious fanatics are destroying our great country. Or it was a narcissistic piece of crap lacking in any artistic or literary integrity, I really can't decide. But then, neither can you, HAH!

I decided not to publish it because I thought it was a bit too personal. Not for me, there are very few things I am uncomfortable talking about (to the great dismay of my wife), but the subject of my religious views should remain just that, my religious views. My wife shouldn't have to defend my views if someone we know should happen to read this (not much chance of that judging by my HUGE lack of an audience). Not that she would try to defend my views anyway, she stopped apologizing for my behavior years ago. The point is, she shouldn't have to.

That seems to be the forgotten part of the equation today. The effect our new found freedom of expression has on the people around us. I chose not to publish my religion blog, not because of the effect on me, but because of the possible effect on those around me, if someone they know should somehow come across my writings. Here's a SHOCKER, some of my opinions could be offensive to those who don't share my views on politics or religion.

It seems like nowadays all three taboo subjects are splashed across the small screen in ever increasing doses. We have become a society of voyeurs with nothing too personal or controversial to explore 24 hours a day on the Real channel, Jerry Springer, Fox, or on Judge Joe. People reveal the most intimate things for the world to see. If that isn't bad enough, people with a never ending supply of narcissism splash photo's of themselves across Facebook and embarrassing and sometimes compromising videos of themselves on YouTube, just to see how many clicks they get or how many times their video was viewed. The sad thing is, they do it without a thought as to how it might effect the ones around you, or how it might effect your future. I tried to put my self in Richard Hilton's place. I wondered how I would feel if everywhere I went people shook my hand and thought " I saw your daughter's Porno". I still can't get rid of the lump in my throat as I thought about my daughter making the same mistake. Now imagine the abuse her kids will face as the other kids play clips of their mom "doin' the nasty" on their cellphones. She will need every penny of the Hilton Fortune to pay for therapy for those kids (and you know she will have them). Nowadays cameras and Video cameras are everywhere, and it seems to have desensitized us to embarrassing or offensive behaviors.

In the "good ol days" if a sex video of you surfaced, you were humiliated to the point of plastic surgery and a new identity. Now you get a reality show where you explore the size of your ass in the porno. In the old days kids caught stealing a car pulled their jackets over their heads to hide their identity, now they drive around in dangerous car chases until a news crew gets there to film the bust! The kids look directly into the camera and give a shout out to their friends (their parents must be so proud). It is entertaining as hell (just look at the ratings), but is it making our society better? I would have to vote no.

We have swung a bit to far to the "say and do anything we want" side. It is time to get closer to the "keep my opinions and embarrassing behaviors to my self" side

For my part I am going to be more careful about what I write and who I might offend, and I will try to influence those around me to do the same.

What did my wife do?

2009-08-24T12:10:00.006-04:00

Today I am mad at my mom. As she reads this (I'm pretty sure she reads it, but she hasn't listed herself as a follower), her first reaction will be "what the heck did I do"

My mom did to me what parents have been doing to their kids since the dawn of time. She cursed me. That's all I have to say, and anyone with kids knows EXACTLY what she did, and why I am so mad today.

Anyone without kids, but who has watched the Bill Cosby special "Himself" isn't laughing quite as hard as my mom is, but they think they know why I am angry. If you haven't guessed it yet, you are childless, and you were the kid that never gave mom and dad any trouble. I'm not sure how old I was when she first cursed me. I know I deserved it because I remember all the crummy things I said and did to my mom once I passed the age of 8 (I'm sure my mom remembers them, and probably a few I didn't think were so bad).

My mom stared me right in the eyes and said (everyone) "Someday you will have kids, and they will do the same things to you that you have done to me!".

Most of us have heard that line (except for my wife who was the kid that never gave her parents any trouble). When I told her about the curse, she looked at me and said "yeah, but what did I do/"

I still can't figure out where we went wrong. I didn't do all the things I was certain my mom screwed up on raising me. I praised them far more than I criticized them. I only spanked them 1x each. I tried to give them everything I didn't get when I was growing up. And yet, they are in many ways, just as bad to me as I was to my mom. OK I lied, they could not possibly have been as bad to me as I was to my mom, but it doesn't hurt me any less than I'm sure it hurt her. So much for the argument of Heredity vs. Environment. (I heard B.F Skinner was devastated when his kids kids turned out different than he thought they would) Chalk one up to the ol' gene pool

With a few exceptions my kids have done the same things that I did (the exception being they were never brought home by the police. Operating a motorcycle without a license, fleeing from the police on said same motorcycle, getting away by by doing my best Steve McQueen (Evel Knievel for the younger crowd, Jeff Ward for the really young crowd, if you have to ask, you are too old) over a chain link fence, and being turned in by the only honest kid at the playground. So far my kids have been free of any legal troubles (he said looking to the heavens and crossing himself). They have been mouthy, defiant, and disrespectful (on a bad day, not always) of my wife and myself (wife and me?). They have "hidden treasures" in the rooms (blouses, shoes, and dresses not conservative enough for our tastes, not to mention dishes and food that became science projects). Parking tickets that were not paid on time and fines that quintupled because of it. Leaving the lights and TV on and a bunch of dirty dishes in the family room (not to worry we have 2 people to clean up after them....yeah its us)

I won't bore you with all my complaints, let's just say I look at my kids with equal parts pride and pain.

The curse must be stopped. It is too painful, and with rare exceptions, no parent deserves it (I can think of one or two who do) So far I have not wished the curse on my kids, (not out loud anyway, and as we all know thinking about it doesn't count). I pray that if they have kids, the curse will end with me (but there goes that little genetic thingy). I pray that their kids will never break their heart, or hurt their feelings, or make them question why their kids would treat them that way. I hope my grandkids will be everything that I was not growing up.

Most of all all I hope the curse has done its worst to me, and that my mom forgives me for all the heartache I caused her (She has to right? After all she is my mom!)

As always, just my opinion...anyone out there share it?

Don't judge a book by the clothes it wears.

2009-08-21T05:38:00.007-04:00

Ok so the quotes a little off. All my life I have been judged by looks. I was lucky enough to find something I loved to do (and was good at) at a very young age. I graduated from a University when I was just shy of 21. I can't claim any special intelligence, it was just based on hard work, going to school all year round, taking overload classes (usually 20+ credit hours), and a little luck with my scheduling. As a result, I was younger than most when I graduated from college.

Looking young is both a treasure and a curse. In the beginning, no one takes you seriously (think Doogie Howser without the heavy facial hair). Past the age of 35 it is a real blessing (think Dick Clark under 200). The biggest challenge was being taken seriously. After a few years in the business I volunteered to help new people on sales calls. It never failed, we would go on sales calls and the customers always thought I was the one being trained. They would direct all the questions to the "senior" rep, who would usually turn to me for the answers. I did not mind (I always thought it was funny, especially when the customer finally realized I was the trainer, not the trainee). Another sure thing was them saying "do you mind if I ask you your age?" I learned a great line from my dad, I would lean in and say "can you keep a secret". They always said yes, to which i would reply "so can I". If they pressed the issue, I would say, "well I graduated from college 4 years ago, you can do the math". It gave me an extra year or two in most minds.

When I got married a lot of the questions stopped. Something about a wedding ring changes how old you look (that or being married ages you quickly). People still judged me by my looks but in different situations. My wife and I decided to buy a boat (OK I decided and she went along, I told you she was perfect!). I went to the boat dealer on the weekend (No sense costing myself money when I was going to spend a chunk of it) Because it was the weekend I was dressed casually (jeans and a polo). I wandered around the showroom waiting for a sales person to approach me. You guessed it, they all went after the older people (the serious buyers). I finally got tired of waiting and approached a guy doing paperwork at a desk. I asked if we could talk about the boat I knew I was going to buy. He looked me up and down, looked back at his paperwork and said "I'll be with you in a minute". The younger me did not like being underestimated, so I went to another salesman just standing around and loudly said "you and I are going to argue about the price, but I'm leaving today with that boat" pointing at the one I wanted. He was only too happy to help me. Of course the first rep jumped to his feet and said " hey I was going to help you". "Too late" I replied.

Another time I went to the Gucci store in Somerset Mall (again in my jeans and a polo...maybe that was the problem) and saw a purse I knew was perfect for my mom. I approached a sales person and said "can I see that purse on the top row". She looked me over and haughtily said "it's very expensive". You know of course what I did..I bought the purse from another person (and if there is a God they worked on commission). There were many other examples, and I'm certain i am not the only person who has been underestimated by others.

History is chock full of people who were underestimated. Albert Einstein, as everyone knows, worked as a patent clerk because he could not get a teaching post. Napoleon was underestimated because of his stature. Michael Jordan was cut from the High School varsity team as a sophomore. No one gave Barack Obama a chance against the Clinton machine. Mahatma Gandhi expected the British to walk out of India (I would love to have taken the odds on that action....100 million to 1 maybe?). No one gave Spud Webb a shot at the slam dunk title. I guess those of us who have been underestimated are in great company.

At 48 I am no longer underestimated due to my age, people frequently ask if my wife is my daughter (not the age, its the mileage). Now I am underestimated for a much different reason. I am wheelchair bound. I was in my wheelchair, and a puddle did something to the motor. The wheelchair was barely moving. I needed someone to help me out by pushing the reset button in the back (out of my reach). I approached a guy in a nearby gas station. I said "hey buddy, can you help with something?" His response was "sorry, I don't have any change!" My brain was working quickly that day so I shot back "Too bad", "I can give you a few bucks if you will push the reset button on my wheelchair for me." He blushed a bit and apologized for thinking I was a bum (ooops there goes my political incorrectness again, I mean a panhandler....Naaahhh a bum)

Don't judge a book by it's cover. Don't judge a person by their age or stature, their formal education or lack of it, and a hundred other things that cause us to make snap judgments.

Once again, just my opinion, one shared by Einstein, Napoleon, Obama, Gandhi, Jordan, and the hundreds of thousands of us who were or are underestimated.

Zen and the Art of Salmon Fishing

2009-08-20T10:31:00.006-04:00

Years ago, I was introduced to Salmon fishing by a guy named Fred Herb. For some reason, we drifted apart. No arguments, no problems, just responsibilities. Fred owned his own company making custom furniture, and I was busy trying to build our business in MI, and we just never seemed to connect.

Fred was an outdoors man. Nothing made him happier than being around nature. Fishing for Salmon was one of his specialties, and boy was he good at it. He had all the right lures (black and gold lightning lures were a favorite of his), knew all the right places, what the best time and temperatures were, etc. We usually limited out, but when we caught our limit, or if the Salmon were not hitting, he would switch tactics and go after Lakers (Lake trout, not basketball players).

One day sticks out in my memory. We got in to Onekema on Lake Michigan, the night before we planned to go out. There was a pretty strong storm that night, but by the time we were ready to go out, the storm was over. The aftermath of the storm was not. I had never seen waves that big on a lake before. A forty foot boat was trying to leave the cove where it was docked and where we launched my little 20 foot fishing boat.. The waves were so big they were crashing over the deck of the cabin cruiser threatening to swamp it. Since we had a small enough boat to "ride the waves", we decided to give it a go. We headed straight into the waves, and other than some minor seasickness we had no problem getting out.

We set the first downrigger, and before we could set the second we had a fish on. The whole morning was like that, we kept getting two fish on at the same time. While that sounds fun, with huge waves and no one to drive the boat, we got more than a little wet when the boat took a wave from the side. We caught our limit in less than 3 hours (big King Salmon too, not a fish less than 9 pounds), and it was non stop fun. We could not wait for the next day. The next day Lake Michigan was like glass. I never saw Lake Michigan flat before. You could have water skied on it. Miles out and the lake was still calmer than I had ever seen. We did not catch a single fish. The fish finder said they were down there, we just could not get them to bite.

When you are a Dale Carnegie Instructor, you always look for analogies, and this is my only fishing analogy. Life can be a lot like that fishing trip. When you take your problems head on (like we took the waves) they are not so hard to handle. It is only when you try to "side step" them or get distracted by other issues that they tend to swamp you and threaten to capsize you. Secondly, when life is throwing a lot of waves at you, it's usually throwing a lot of fish your way as well. The challenge is to catch the fish without getting swamped by the waves, and boy does it make life exciting. And finally when all is calm and there are no waves to keep you on your toes, life can be boring as hell.

We need waves in our lives. I saw a poster once that said "life is a daring adventure or it is nothing". I'm not sure I agree. I would change it to "life is a daring adventure or it is boring". Don't be afraid of the waves, take them head on. Don't try to side step them, they only get bigger, and for heaven's sake look at all the fish getting thrown your way!

As usual just my opinion, and Fred Herb would agree.

Its all about perspective

2009-08-19T22:08:00.003-04:00

Repeat after me "its great to be alive" "today is going to be fantastic, I know that because I woke up" (the day I don't wake up will really suck!)

I read an article about a comet striking Jupiter. The comet was thought to be the size of the Earth...yep that's right, the size of the Earth! The comet did not hit Jupiter two million years ago, or two thousand years, or two hundred years or even two years ago. Lots of times astronomers will tell you the supernova they witnessed actually happened two thousand years ago and it took that long for the light to reach us. This event happened Friday!

Most people when they hear Jupiter think "so what, Jupiter is a long way away". When you consider the size of the universe, a comet hitting Jupiter is like 747 hitting the house 2 lots down. Even worse, depending on the comets origin, had the trajectory been a single degree different, it would have struck the Earth. The comet was traveling 37 miles per second. At that rate it could finish the Indy 500 in less than 14 seconds. It could go around the Earth in 11 minutes. It could travel the distance from the Moon to the Earth in less than 2 hours. We know comets have struck the Earth many times in the past. In fact, if not for a big strike, we might be dodging T-Rex and Velociraptors. We know it will happen again, the only question is when, and how big.

What struck me about this was not the proximity or the size of the strike, but the fact that no one saw it coming. It was not like the movie Armageddon, where the scientists spotted it weeks before the actual strike. No one saw it until AFTER it hit the planet! It was not spotted by the Hubble space telescope, or by the scientists at JPL or NASA, it was spotted by a 44-year-old amateur astronomer Anthony Wesley, who works as a computer programmer and lives in the town of Murrumbatema just outside of Canberra in the Australian Capital Territory (ACT).

If "the big one" hits the Earth, we will probably have just enough time to bend over and kiss our butts goodbye (and that's only if you are on the opposite side of where the comet strikes)

"So why the astronomy lesson Mark?" This blog is really more about perspective than what's in the sky around us. In my life the things that seem to set me off are the little things, like when the kids leave the TV and the lights on in the family room when they go to bed. Or when the kids leave the empty cans and dirty dishes in the family room, or when they do both.

I have my share of problems in life (sometimes I think I got more than my share). If I choose to focus on my problems I could make myself feel pretty miserable. My kids have their share of bad habits and irritating behaviors, if I focus on them, I can make their lives miserable. My wife is perfect so I have no complaints (she may be reading these, i don't know, but better safe than to get hit in the head with a shovel).

The truth is we all have things in our lives that can drive us crazy, if we let it. Most of us have far more to be grateful for than to complain about. You woke up today, that's a great start. One of the books by Dale Carnegie is a book called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". If you haven't read it, get a copy. If you have read it, read it again. One of my favorite quotes is "most people are about as happy as they decide to be.". It is all about perspective. From one point of view we have problems, from another point of view we have opportunities, how you choose to look at it makes a huge difference.

I'm not going to ignore the problems I have. I'm going to work every day to solve them. I'm not going to ignore my kids bad habits, I'm going to work every day to change them. I'm just going to do it with a smile on my face and love in my heart, because there is so much more for me to be grateful about. And at least my wife is perfect (I try to say that a few times a day).

Our problems in life are mostly the small ones, and the big problems, the Earth killing, mind numbing, drive you crazy, put you in the hospital, make you beg for death, comet type problems, are no different than the comet that struck Jupiter. You never see them coming, and when you do its too late!

As usual, just my opinion, and one that is shared by most of the happy people you meet!

Your attitude IS your fault

2009-08-18T12:40:00.004-04:00

I think we all were told at one point or another not to talk to strangers. An impossible standard since at one point or another everyone is a stranger to you.. Yesterday I had a long talk with a stranger.

I have one of those faces that says "come talk to me". I know that because it happens everywhere I go. I guess its because I am usually smiling and don't immediately look away when someone looks at me.

I would like to think people look at me because I am a great looking guy, but the truth is they probably look at me because i am in a wheelchair and my hands are severely contracted from arthritis.

Lately the topic of discussion goes like this: "do you mind if I ask you, what did this to you". I guess I do mind, nobody ever goes up to a an obese person and says "do you mind if I ask you, what did you eat to get this way", or says to a person with severe scarring "were in a fire or get burned by acid" (that is a line from The Princess Bride, if you haven't seen the movie rent it), but something about me says it's OK to ask intensely personal questions. To be honest, I don't like to talk about it. My father taught me not to relive painful experiences, and every time you talk about something unpleasant you are reliving it. But rather than be equally rude and saying "yeah I do mind" or "do you mind if I ask you why you are wearing that shirt with those pants, or "do you mind if I ask you when you last brushed your teeth" (you can tell I have at least thought about saying those things). I usually give them a short answer and try to escape the conversation politely.

Yesterday the stranger approached me with the usual question. I tried the "short answer escape politely" thing, but this guy would have none of that. He actually followed me into the pharmacy I tried to escape to, and asked me all kinds of questions about how I stayed so positive in spite of my handicaps.

I tried to explain that everyone in life has handicaps and that mine were just more obvious. Lots of people are handicapped by a lack of confidence or a lack of belief in themselves. Some are handicapped by an inability to deal with people, or by a bad attitude or by a hundred other things that hold people back. His response was predictable . He said "sometimes it isn't your fault though right?" "take me for instance" (really it wasn't your fault? How shocking! Great to meet the ONE exception whose attitude is not THEIR fault) "I was abused as a child", "then because I am black I have this slave mentality" blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda (I still miss Seinfeld) all these BS excuses why it should be a OK for him to not have a positive attitude.

As I prayed for my pick up to be on time (it was late of course), I told him he needed to change his behavior. He said "don't you mean my attitude". Nope your behavior. Here's my Carnegie training coming at ya! People spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on an analysts couch trying to figure out why they are "screwed up" and who or what to blame for it. "Your attitude and your actions", Dale says "go hand in hand" trying to change your attitude is hard. Changing your actions is easy. If you act a certain way, your attitude follows it (like the cops on an LA freeway).

Lacking in confidence? Do things that require courage. Can't handle pressure? Put yourself in pressure positions (safe but pressured). Feeling down or blue? Go do something you like or go to a comedy club. You can't feel depressed while you are laughing your butt off. The point is your problems don't go away by talking about them (in most cases it makes them worse no matter how "cathartic" it is). Your problems only go away when you take some action to get rid of them.

After half an hour my ride arrived and as I charged toward the door in my Jazzy Wheelchair (nope no product placement, I do not get paid for the plug), the guy said "I get it thanks...I need to change my attitude".

"You got it" I said, thinking "that guy did not understand a thing I said!"

Most of our problems can be solved if we are willing to work on them, of course that's just my opinion

Crime does pay and that needs to change

2009-08-16T16:14:00.005-04:00

Has anyone not received an email claiming to need your help to get money out of a country? How about the Internet lottery you won that you do not remember entering, or the account you have that is frozen until you click on the link and give the bank, or PayPal, or (insert the financial company here), your credit card info or SSN.

Anyone got a check from a Craigslist buyer for more than you asked? The catch is you cash it, keep a little extra for the hassle and send him the item and the change. Of course when the check bounces like a super ball your bank dings you for the money.

Stuff like this happens every day...change that, several times...perhaps hundreds of times per day. Proving that without a doubt CRIME DOES PAY!!! These criminals face almost no risk of prosecution.

I use the Internet to buy and sell. I tried using Craigslist (I liked the idea of not paying a commission on a sale). I listed several very expensive coins, and to my surprise got an immediate response. The buyer wanted to pay by check (fine with me, I would rather not pay the credit card company either), what came next made me immediately suspicious. The buyer informed me he would be traveling for a few weeks, did not have his checkbook with him, but had a check he was going to use to buy some other coins until he saw mine for sale. The problem was the check was for 2 thousand dollars more than I was asking for my coins. He wanted me to cash the check, give the coins and the change to his assistant who would come by to pick it up, and keep an extra $500 for my troubles. Was I lucky or what? $4,000.00 for $3500, worth of coins and all I had to do was deposit his check and give him $1,500.00 change. Anyone who doesn't smell a rat is blinded by greed.

I had a problem. When the buyer originally asked if he could send me a check, I emailed my address to him. Now a person I knew was a crook had my home address and the impression that I kept some very valuable coins in my home. Since, like you I watch TV, I thought lets run a sting operation. I emailed him that everything was fine except that I keep my coins in a safety deposit box (which is true) and that I owned a very large dog that did not like strangers (he is actually a medium sized dog who is terrified of strangers. the biggest risk you take is that he will pee on you from fear). I suggested we meet at the bank where I could cash the check and make the exchange.

After I emailed him that idea, I called the local Police and told them about my plan. They sent a squad car to my house, where I explained what was happening. His first question was "how do you know the check will be bogus". I explained it was a common Internet fraud. His response was "maybe this one isn't, and even if it is, the person he sends may have no knowledge his boss is breaking the law" "he could have paid some poor guy to pick up the goods and the change and send it to him" "and even if the check was bad, the fraud would not be happening in our jurisdiction" "The actual fraud would have taken place where he counterfeited the check". So much for my brilliant sting idea. The officer suggested I contact the FBI.

The next day, the check arrives by UPS express mail. This guy makes enough money to spend $5 to send a check! It actually added to his credibility! Had I not been aware of the scam, I would have been impressed! Just to be sure I called the bank the check was drawn on. It was a real check, from a real account, that had it's checks really stolen! The poor guy who ran the business the check was drawn on had calls from across the country from people who had been defrauded. Of course they wanted him to make good on the checks.

Patting myself on the back for being so smart, and bad check in hand, I called the G-men expecting them to like the idea of a sting. I had visions of wearing a wire, and signaling the Fibbies by running my hands through my hair when the deal was done. The feds would slap on the cuffs while I snarled "read him rights" and spit on his shoes. I saw myself at the trial saying "that's the piece of shit that tried to con me" and being admonished by the judge for using that kind of language in his courtroom. Real "Law and Order" stuff was dancing in my head. I was going to see these bad guys brought to justice!

Reality Bites (wasn't there a movie with that title?)! The local Feds explained that this happens so often they don't have the manpower to follow up on it all. The best he could do was take the name of the guy, and if he screwed enough people out of enough money, they might go after him. Hmmmm, what are the odds the guy uses the same name for every scam? I watched an episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals", even they would not be that stupid. I asked him if I should at least send him the bogus check which I had never touched without wearing latex gloves so they could dust it for the bastard's fingerprints (man I watch too many crime shows). His response was at last predictable to me "nah, just throw it out"

I pondered keeping it, if it is this easy to screw people out of money, maybe I'll give this crime thing a shot. All I had to do was search Craigslist for someone selling something worth $5,000 or less, and try the same thing with the same check. All the really hard work (stealing the check, forging the signature) had already been done for me. After all, I had learned it is all but impossible to get caught. Imagine how much more difficult it must be if the crook is in another country!

I really didn't give it much thought, unlike most crooks, I have a conscience The sad thing is, the more you need money, the more likely you are to be fooled by these SOB'S. It happens every day, frequently to the elderly who can be easily fooled by a slick con man. Even very intelligent people can be fooled or blinded by greed, ask any Bernie Madoff client (what an appropriate name since Bernie made off with everyone's cash). If he had not gotten greedy and stolen billions, the Feds would never have arrested him! Every day he should be forced to listen to at least 3 people whose lives he has ruined, until he can't take it anymore and hangs himself.

Crime does pay. It shouldn't, but it does. Can we as a society afford to continue to let this happen? Something has to change. So many people suffer irreparable harm due to these criminals, to not pursue them should be a crime. There may not be enough jail cells to hold them, but cant we liquidate all their assets, including any assets that might have belonged to them? Should Madoff's wife get to keep even a penny? Maybe if the risk of financial disaster is greater than the reward for stealing the money, a person will think twice before they do it, How does 5 to 1 sound?
Steal a hundred pay a five hundred dollar fine. steal $100k pay a half million. Extend the fine to cover all the assets in the family. Don't let their wives and kids keep houses and trust funds. Right now, "white collar" criminals have almost nothing to fear. That has to change.

What do we do about the Nigerian scams (a lot of Internet fraud is based there)? We make it harder to transfer money to countries that allow those crimes to continue, or we reduce their aid by 5x the amount we can prove was stolen by their countrymen. It won't be long before their government tracks these crooks down and exacts their own type of punishment.

Once again, this is just my opinion, but anyone who has been fooled will share my opinion I'm sure

The Greatest Gift You Can Give

2009-08-15T12:47:00.002-04:00

My Mom gave me the greatest gift you can ever give a child. She gave me the gift of reading. As a divorced single parent who worked a full time job, there wasn't a lot of time for her to interact with us, but she made the time count. She didn't sit us down in front of a TV. She read to us and developed her own set of flash cards to teach my brother and me to read. She started with 2 letter words, then three , then four etc. I'll never forget how good it felt to read my first three letter word (off) and I did it before my older brother! The first last and only time I beat him at anything.

The first book she read to me (that I remember) was Joseph and the coat of many colors. We made her read it to us every night (probably a good thing since money was tight and books were expensive. As tired as she was and as much as there were other things that needed to be done, she never let it interfere with our reading time. She taught me that if you can read, you can do anything. She made reading seem like this magic wand that would help us get whatever we wanted. Because of her I developed a passion for reading that exists to this very day.

Every Birthday or holiday with gifts involved I always got a book. First the Hardy Boys, when I caught up we had to wait until a new one came out, and no matter how tight money was she found a way to get me the books I loved. I went on to graduate from college, and most of the success I have had were due in party to my habit of reading everything I can.

Which brings me to the point of my blog. I keep reading about the failures of our public schools and the crisis we face in education. There is no crisis in education. I repeat, there is no crisis in education. There is a crisis in parenting. Any kid with a passion for reading will stay in school, or school themselves. If a kid can not read BEFORE he or she starts school, you have failed them as a parent. Certainly there are exceptions, some kids with dyslexia may take a while longer, but for the vast majority of kids, this is true. Lets shut off the TV and give kids the attention they deserve. The crisis in education will disappear quicker than a David Blaine magic trick.

Once again, only my opinion...Thanks mom for not failing me.

I want to be more like my dog

2009-08-13T23:26:00.000-04:00

There is one member of my family that everyone loves. I wish it were me, but sadly it is the family dog skyler. When the kids get home the first thing they do is greet and pet the dog and enthusiastically play with him. When my wife gets home, she does the same thing. My wife never asks me what I want for dinner (we all pretty much fend for ourselves in my house), but she never forgets to feed the dog. The dog gets more attention and love than anyone. He has never paid a bill, never cooked a meal, never driven them anywhere, never fixed a cut or scrape, never tucked them into bed and read them a story, never given them $100.00 to go shopping or $20 to see a movie, and sure never bought them a car! He is a great watch dog, if someone were to try to rob our house, he would surely watch them do it. Why does he get all the love and attention?

We all know why, the dog is the only one who gives everyone unconditional love. When someone gets home he practically jumps out of his skin he is so glad to see you. He runs to greet you, acts like he has not seen you in years, wags his tail fast enough to create a breeze, never nags or complains when you feed him the same thing every day, never finds fault or criticizes you, doesn't care what you wear, or whether you have combed your hair or brushed your teeth, and gives you the feeling that you are the most important thing in his life. How can I ever match up to that?

I have to discipline them when they do wrong, lay down rules and be sure they are followed, make tough decisions about what they can and can not do, and generally make their lives more difficult. I can't be like the dog, but I can be more like him.

Growing up, we were not a demonstrative family. I saw other kids whose mom's and dad's would hug them and kiss them, and it seemed odd because that is just not how I was raised. My mom loved us enough, but as a divorcee and a working mom with a full time job, there was not time or opportunity to be "huggy kissee". After a while, it just becomes the norm, and when people invade your space you recoil.

When my mom in law welcomed me into the family with a hug and kiss my reaction was not enthusiastic. Nothing against her, I'm lucky to have great In-Laws, I just wasn't "ready" for it.

I'm ready now. I give my girls as much love as I can. I rarely go a day without telling them how important they are to me. I try to tell them at least once a day how much I love them, and I hug them and kiss them whenever they let me. The older they get the less they let me. It used to be my oldest could not go to bed until i gave her "animal" kisses (I had to impersonate a caterpillar, butterfly, rabbit, whatever she could think of)

I still need to work on the unconditional part. It is hard not to find fault. It is important to say no and to lay down ground rules. I need to do a better job of doing that without being mad about it.

If my kids had to choose one of us to die, me or the dog (horrible thought), I know The dog would be history, but it would be nice if when my wife or kids got home the first thing they would do is hug me and kiss me, not the dog!

I'm working on it. We should all be more like dogs (except the butt sniffing thing).

Pro Life or Pro Choice

2009-08-13T21:07:00.000-04:00

I have had a couple of rough days emotionally. I'm normally a very "up" person in spite of my physical challenges. The things that really get to me are almost always issues with my kids.

I have two daughters. Both are really great kids in some ways, and other times....well if you have or had teenagers you know exactly what I mean.

As a young Dale Carnegie© Instructor I had a class member named Ken who was talking about a conversation he had with a coworker. The Coworker challenged Ken by saying "do you mean to tell me you do not believe a fetus is a human being until it is actually born?" To which Ken replied. "No, I do not believe a fetus is a human being until it has reached the age of 21" "up till then you should be able to abort them at any time". Like everyone in the room I laughed, but I confess I did not fully understand the joke until my oldest and youngest reached their teens. For those of you with young kids, the teen years make the terrible twos seem like a Swedish massage on a black sand Hawaiian beach after hitting the powerball lottery. OK maybe not the massage part.

I thought my wife and I did a decent job of raising the kids. Certainly not perfect, but we gave them lots of love, sacrificed a lot to send them to the best private schools in California and Michigan. We got them private tutors when they needed scholastic help, lessons when they wanted to play tennis, ski, swim, draw, paint,etc. We never complained about how expensive it was (unless they wanted to skip a lesson). Certainly I criticized them sometimes but for the most part I tried to build their self esteem and tell them how talented they were. Encouragement was how I preferred to deal with them. When my daughter wanted to sleep in, I did not yell or call her lazy or tell her she was going to be late, instead I sat on the foot of her bed and repeated softly and encouragingly "watch her ladies and gentlemen as she leaps from her bed with singleness of purpose and springs across the room, with a smile on her face and a song in her heart to get ready to face the day as the smartest student in the history of Campbell Hall. After a few choruses she would complain "Stooop dad", but she would get up.

Everything seemed to be going according to plan I created in my head. You know "THE PLAN". My kids would be enthusiastic, positive, loving, hard working kids. Then it happened, not all at once mind you but slowly and almost imperceptibly they began to change. Like the gradual transformation of Michael Jackson from a young African American male into a middle aged white female, my kids transformed (maybe I should have used a decepiticon analogy). They went from sweet, fun, loving kids, who did what we asked (grudgingly at times)and were a joy to talk to and be around, to sullen, uncooperative, mouthy, little brats. The joke about 21 was never clearer to me. I have never regretted having them, but boy have I been hurt by them.

I never realized how deeply I could love until I had my kids. As much as a I love my wife, If she were going to be hit by a bus, I would SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS TO MOVE. I would throw something in front of the bus to try to slow it down, but to jump in front of it (I would, she has been a better wife than I ever deserved) there would be a moments hesitation. Put my kids in the same situation and without a thought I'm roadkill. I never realized why my father in law cried so hard when he told me I could marry his daughter. The parent child bond is so "one way" there is no way to understand it until you have kids of your own. My mom and I had a sometimes strained relationship, most of that changed when I had my kids. I knew she felt the same way about me as i feel about mine. It let me look past all the BS that didn't really matter.

I would rather die than see my kids in pain. I would rather die than see my kids in pain. I would rather die than see my kids in pain. That was not a mistake, I could write that sentence a hundred times and it would not come close to expressing how much I love them. Which makes it so hard to deal with them the way they are now. I have been crying on and off for 2 days because my oldest is going through something that is hurting her. She won't talk to me about it and frankly for 6 or 7 days she hasn't said much of anything to me, unless it was a snarly "I'm not hungry" or "I'm not mad at you" in a tone that implies the word asshole at the end. My youngest is not quite as bad, but she seems to take all her rage out on my wife.

My step-mom Janice gave me some encouragement yesterday. She said my sister Allison was the same way between her senior year of high school and her freshman year of college (just like my oldest). She thinks Tori is just scared about leaving the nest (God how I hope that is it).

I have a couple of points to all this, after all it is called one man's opinion.

First, in my opinion, crying is OK. after a couple days of releasing frustration, anger and hurt feelings, I feel much better. To all of you who haven't cried in a while, let it out. Don't give yourself heart attacks and ulcers. Crying doesn't make a guy a sissy (unless it's at a chic flick, then just go put on a dress and lipstick).

Secondly, don't say or do anything while you are hurt. In Lincoln's letters were several he had written to General Meade and never sent. I "pulled a Lincoln" the other day. I wrote my daughter a text about how much she was hurting me. 24 hours later I deleted it. As i read what I wrote (devoid of emotion) I realized it would only hurt her (which would make me hurt more!). A few hours is not enough time. Wait 24 hours and if you still want to send it or say it....wait 24 more.

I believe in my kids. I believe they have good values and beliefs. I'm certain that years from now these few days will be long forgotten

I guess in my opinion they really aren't complete Human Beings until they reach the age of 21, but I wouldn't trade them for all the money in Bill Gate's portfolio

P.S. I got my first follower today! It is someone I know and love, but that doesn't make it any less exciting. Thanks Carol. You always make me feel important and special.

When is a crisis, not a crisis?

2009-08-12T12:53:00.000-04:00

The answer is when it comes from the Government or the Mainstream Media!

All I hear or read about these days is crisis after crisis, First the Crisis in Iraq, then the Crisis of Leadership, then the Financial Crisis, then the Auto crisis, now the Health Care crisis (somewhere in there is the illegal alien crisis). I have a crisis of Understanding. What exactly constitutes a crisis these days?

Tackling these Crisis es (whatever the plural of Crisis is) one at a time, first the crisis in Iraq. As most of us realize now, the crisis was completely fabricated by the Bush/Cheney team. Hurts me to admit it, as a life long Republican, but that team was more disappointing than the Bush I team. Unlike a lot of Republicans I never voted for George W. I didn't like his dad and he seemed like a dumber version of his father. Since I did not like the Democrat he ran against (spelled Gore as in bloody mess he would make with his global warming solutions), for the first time in my voting life, I left the ballot blank for President. Does anybody really believe we belong in Iraq, or Afghanistan? Supposedly we had to fight them over there so we did not have to fight them over here. Did we have to fight them at all? Did we really have much to fear from a country that had buildings worth less than the bombs we dropped on them? Tighten the boarders, change our immigration policies to not allow people from "crazy" countries in, crisis solved. Had we kicked out the nut-jobs that pulled off 9/11 when we were supposed to, the World Trade Center would still be there! They were not even trying to hide, they counted on the sloppiness of our INS to allow them to stay long enough to pull it off, and they were right.

Crisis 2 the crisis of leadership in the Republican Party. That crisis solves itself. Stop voting for idiots and wait until they give us a quality candidate. Nature abhors a vacuum, so when the Repub's realize they haven't won with the knuckleheads they keep putting in front of us, the crisis will solve itself. The real problem is that anyone of quality would be afraid to put their whole life under the scrutiny you face when running for office. Lets face it, anyone my age who did not smoke a little weed, I wouldn't want to vote for anyway. I know lots of people who make great Senators and Congresspersons (did I really say that? wow political correctness even hit me) but open the closet even an inch and a hooker or mistress would could flying out, not to mention a youthful DUI or other such stupidity a kid is bound to commit. Lets stop watching (if not watching at least caring about) stupid indiscretions 20 years ago. Granted a Gary Hart deserves to go down (pun purely intentional!) because it shows bad judgment. Isn't that what we really need from our elected officials, good judgment?

Crisis Three The Financial Crisis. This one I think was real. I also think it was dealt with properly, with the exception of not specifying how the money could be spent. Those Bankers must have their pants specially made to hide the size of the balls you need to do that crap. (sorry for the imagery that creates but geesh giving bonuses to the idiots who created the crisis...as my daughter says...not cool)

The Auto Crisis- see the Financial Crisis...nuff said

The Illegal Immigration crisis. States are taking care of this themselves. All over the country States are passing laws to severely punish employers who hire illegals and landlords who rent to illegals. Will this solve the crisis? Hmmm no job, no roof over your head, seems like home only safer with less violence and more food. I doubt it will fix the problem, many illegals are here to stay, but it will fix a lot of the financial problems it creates. Make a sweatshop more worried about hiring them than they are about profits and you will get higher wages for American Workers.

Here is the biggest Boondoggle of them all. The health care "Crisis" Is it really a crisis? OK France has better health care, that may be more due to lifestyle than health care. No self-respecting Frog would ever eat a "Royale with Cheese" (OK so I'm not so politically correct and shout out to Quentin Tarrantino for the Royale line ). I spent some time in France, they walk most places, they buy fresh local food every day, they are far thinner (every obese person I saw in Paris did not speak French) Give us Americans those habits and I bet we are number !. The other STRIKING fact is that 86% of us are happy with our health care choices! when did 14% become a crisis? True the health care burden hurts our industries in a global marketplace, but do we revamp a system that 86% of like because 14% think it sucks? We all agree health care needs "tweaking", frankly I long for the days before drug companies were allowed to advertise. There's an industry that need revamping. My kids think if you are unhappy about something you don't need to work it out or deal with it. They believe you need Abilify! If my kids were not guided by me they would believe they were ADHD, depressed with restless leg syndrome, and need something to keep them from having to pee all the time. The worst part is that sentence was not a joke!

Let's stop calling everything a Crisis. It cheapens and weakens our response to real Crisis es, like obesity, drug addiction, educational failure, and our crumbling infrastructure. Drive down any street in "the Yak" (Pontiac MI for those of you not in southeastern MI, and shout out to my friend Jordan who clued me in to "the Yak").and you will know what crumbling infrastructure is. Those are crisis es that need and deserve our real attention, not the media inflamed political talking points of today's fashionable problems

Once again, just one man's opinion

The Remus Reid email

2009-08-11T12:12:00.001-04:00

I got an email today about a horse thief and train robber named Remus Reid. It was a clever email about how politicians "spin" stories. The problem was the story was a bit too clever. So I did what i always do whenever i am uncertain about the authenticity of a story, I Googled it.

I'm sure you know the rest of the story. The email, while clever, was a complete fallacy. Someone with a creative streak made it up and now thousands of people believe it to be true.

Frankly, that is the problem I have with most biblical stories. While I count myself a Christian, and try to behave as Christ would (whether you believe he was the son of God or not you must admit he had a wonderful philosophy for how to treat people) I question most of the biblical stories. Noah's Ark, the Hindu Purnaic story of Manu, the Deucalion in Greek Mythology or Utnapishtim in the Epic of Gilgamesh all speak of great floods sent by God to destroy and punish the existing civilization. Couldn't these all be clever Remus Reid stories? The fact is that when a myth gets told often enough and long enough the myth "becomes" the truth.

Listen my Children and you shall hear of the midnight ride of.......most of you finish the poem line with Paul Revere. Another myth told over and over again until it became the accepted truth. Google the name Israel Bissell and you will find a guy who rode nonstop over 300 miles to warn everyone that the Brits were coming. Revere's 20 mile gallop was a cakewalk.

I watch the show about magic revealed and I realize I can't even trust what I see with my own eyes half time.

Why am I blogging about this? We as a country need to stop believing what the politicians, and the media outlets, and the emails from our friends tell us. There is no truth in Advertising Laws that cover political commercials. George H.W. Bush Screamed "read my lips no new taxes" and he was lying through his lips! Even trusting the media is impossible these days. Watch the coverage on Fox then compare it to CNN and you wonder how the two stations could cover the same event and tell such different stories about what happened.

Why is this Health Care Bill 1,400 pages and climbing? Why is the Congressional Budget so large it is brought in in huge boxes to heavy to carry? Why do Lawyers write contracts in Leageleese? You can not convince me a Health Care bill can not be written in 100 pages, or the budget in 1,00 pages, or a contract in simple English.

We need to stop trusting and start verifying. We need to demand a Health Care Bill that can be read by someone within a few hours. We need to demand a Budget that the average person can read in a week. We need to demand the truth from our politicians and hold them to their promises or else. Most of all we should demand our contracts and all the congressional bills and laws be written in plain English. I lived in California In the Gray Davis days. The citizens rose up and held a politician accountable. Across the country we need more of that.

How do we start? The contract thing is easy. Don't sign one written in leageleese. demand a plain English Contract (it is supposed to be a trend anyway). The rest is harder. Stop accepting blindly what others say. For important things read both sides of the issue. Gather the facts before you decide. Remember to Everyone (including Politicians) an educated consumer is THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE

The Dr. David Kaiser eMail

2009-08-10T13:34:00.000-04:00

Today a good friend of mine sent me an email that was a "must read" the very future of our country depended on my passing this email along to everyone in my address book. By now many of you have read it, and either passed it along as th author requested, or checked it out to see if the article was real.

I fall into the second category. Too many times my inbox has been choked with FEAR. False Evidence Appearing Real. The first thing I did was Google Dr. David Kaiser. Sure enough he was a Harvard Grad and Professor with impressive credentials, and a number of books to his name. He too has a blog, and after reading a number of his articles it became crystal clear he did not write the article I was sent!

Yet another coward with the IQ of a doughnut hole, hiding behind the impressive reputation of a learned scholar. Why do people do this? I'm guessing it is a narcissist who desperately wants to see his words and ideas in print. Knowing no one would pass the article along with his name on the byline, he hijacked the reputation of a person who would not spit on him if he were on fire.

I defend to the death the right of the person who wrote this drivel to express his or her opinion, but his rights ended when he damaged the reputation of a respected author and educator. Too bad the real author did not have the guts to sign his name. I would have loved to google his name. my guess...third grade education with a talent for ciphering (shout out to Jethro Bodine of the Beverly Hillbillies..naught into naught goes naught)

Rest easy comrades, while our Country has seen much better times, we are not descending into the 7th circle of hell. Nor are we about to become the next Nazi Germany or Stalinist Russia, as the shadow author suggests.

I am not enamored with President Obama as so many people in the mainstream press seem to be. He is as flawed as the rest of us (only a lot smarter than most, certainly smarter than me). What I believe is the framers of the Constitution were either incredibly smart, or incredibly lucky. Either way I don't care. I believe the system of Government they created is as perfect a system of Government the world has ever seen. It has allowed a Country to go from log cabins to walking on the Moon in less than 200 Years. Can any nation in History make such a claim? The checks and balances in that document prevent anyone from gaining the kind of control necessary to plunge our great nation into chaos. If anyone can bring down our great Country in four years, well it wasn't much of a Country in the first place.

I also believe is that the office of President of the United States is by far the worst job in the world. Low pay (compared to what people leading a company make), constant fear of assassination (especially for the first Black President), stress that you and I will never be exposed to (most President age exponentially while in office), no private life of your own, constant hounding from the press, and the responsibility for THE ENTIRE WORLD ECONOMY (if we are to believe what the economists say), not to mention world security, on your shoulders. True the private 747 is extremely cool. No one exposes himself and his family to that unless they believe the country needs their leadership and wisdom.

As I said earlier, I am not an Obamamaniac, but I am willing to give him a chance to succeed and to earn my vote for a second term. If he falls short, he will be booted out of office like Jimmy Carter, George H.W. Bush and every other single term President in history.

Sleep well tonight. In spite of all the doom and gloom predictions you still live in the only Country that would build a wall to keep people out!

This is just one man's opinion and I am willing to give my real name to express it!